Fading Light

wow...

2007-07-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

Who knew I would be an expectant mother again?

I sure didn't expect it. But I can't help but wonder about it. Blake has some sinister thoughts regarding it. He and RIJ have become friends again. Malik too... With the Yami trio back, anything is possible...

And this is cause of concern in ways no one can imagine...

A new Chance...

2007-01-27T11:00:00.000-08:00

(RP)
*******************

___________________

(side)

And again, I say I don't deserve it, but I am glad to have it...

Still... There is heartache with this chance. He now seems to doubt that he is the father of Cayden and Nakia... Not that I blame him, but he doesn't want to add more stress on them by asking for them to perform a test to be sure. I can't help but wonder if it's just more fear that holds him back. They are old enough to understand.

I made a horrible mistake and I would give anything to turn back time and change things. I could have been stronger. I could have resisted. I could have done so many things differently. Now... Blake is really the only man in my heart, but he will never fully believe that. He loves me, he accepted me back... but he still has so much doubt. Like I said, I don't blame him. I deserve it... but...

How can I show him that he no longer has to worry about me?

I performed a ritual a little while ago. A swore a vow. Another blood vow. No one will know of this. No one will be able to stop this, reverse it or anything. I made my mistakes and I have to deal with it.

Blake, you are the only one for me and the next time someone tries to make it otherwise, they are going to get the shock of a lifetime. Cayden was always a quiet one. He was like me growing up. Nakia was always into things she shouldn't have been. A theif's daughter through and through. They do not deserve to be questioned... only my own actions...

I am the guilty one. Doubt only me, not them. And somehow... someway... I will prove to you...

Fading light of hope...

2007-01-22T15:32:00.000-08:00

(RP)

........

____________________

(side)

This week in Egypt has been interesting. I have come across so many familiar things. In an effort to give Blake his space to think, I did some exploring on my own. I even went back to the old palace. Not much of it really exists anymore... time has long since crushed it- but I did find my old room. I even found an old teddybear I used to have- very old, it was made of the strawcloth of that time period. It was ragged and torn but it was still there, I don't know what came over me. I felt like a lost child. I looked around the crumbling room and felt like I was looking at the tattered pieces of my life.

I stood there and my mind wandered to all the things that Jewel was doing while she was with Blake... It kills me to know that they... they might.. I don't know what they might do, but I know her thoughts... I know what she wants... the same things I want. But she isn't as patient as I am. I was taking the time to help him learn to read. She would rather hire someone and that would humiliate him. I could never do that to him. I never would consider it... He may be quiet, but he is too prideful of a man for that.

Then again, I have done so many other things I swore I would never do...

Still.. she has been there for him in a way I have not. I let my lustful heart carry me away from the vows I once made. I have tarnished my honour. My father won't say it but I see the disappointment in his eyes when he looks upon me... When I bother to raise my head in his presence. I pretty much don't even bother to join everyone anymore- there is no fun with all the guilt within me.

In the end, all my thoughts of them making her fantasies come true in whatever tomb they happen to explore made me ill... I curled up on a pile of torn curtains- the bed had long since been destroyed... I couldn't go back. I couldn't face him. I couldn't be around her. My actions may have killed any chances, but he needs space and time. it is hard to be face to face with him and not wrap my arms around him. Feel his lips willing pressed against mine... I want to do so much, but my own fear holds me back. It never used to- but that is what got me into trouble in the first place.

There have been a few times where he and I could laugh and talk, but it always ends the same. In silence. My actions and his decision hang over our heads and always ends any fun we have. We shared a room, but slept in different beds. It was better that way. But that uncomfortable silence, I fear kills our chances that much more. I would do anything and everything to make it up to him, but... I have to be given one more chance I am not so sure I deserve...

Perhaps... yes, I am certain, this time I have hurt him more than he loves me... and to be honest, I wouldn't love me any longer either.

Ra... please... get rid of this uncertainty. Rid me of this pain somehow- anyway possible...

He said he would have an answer at the end of the trip... well we board the plane tonight. We will be arriving in Vegas in 2 days... And if he chooses her, he stays there while I return to Harbor Springs alone...

I got a chill.... I don't like the feeling...

Too Late...

2007-01-16T09:55:00.000-08:00

(RP)

******

_______________________
(side)

It's too late... I just know it...
I truly screwed up...

Blake was my soulmate- my perfect match and I screwed up...

I have destroyed the one beautiful thing I had in my life. My heart... is shredded and I have no one to blame but myself. He has been staying with this other woman while in Vegas.. this.. Jewel. I guess she is going to Egypt and he was invited to go. He invited me and I want to go... but at the same time I don't. I don't want to see him with another woman...

But I deserve the killing pain seeing that would cause.

I fear if I don't go, I will lose any chance of getting him to come back. But f I go, I fear that I will see things that will hurt me even more.

Ra... why couldn't it just be my spirit taken instead of RIJ's? Without Blake... I don't even feel alive...

I was a fool. A stupid, blind, ignorant fool who was being too selfish. Selfishness is not in my character. Neither is being unfaithful...

Maybe RIJ was right.. maybe I am not the person I used to be.. but if I'm not, then who am I? What am I meant to do? Where do I belong? ...

this life no longer calls to me, so why am I still here? That letter opener felt so ... good... when I used it the last time... It gave me a release and sense of freedom from the pain and ache... I have hidden a dagger... it calls to me... as does a razor in my bathroom. they taunt me... They cry for me to end it. They hurt me more in an effort to make sure I follow through- I'm struggling against it, but it's hard...

This isn't me...

I never give in like this... I'm not a quitter...

But this hurts... it hurts so much...

I was too late ...

now is it too late to save me....?

Feels like dying...

2007-01-09T07:24:00.000-08:00

(side)

it's a horrible feeling. One I cannot fully describe even. I just feel like a large chunk of me is dead.

I finally got the divorce papers signed and sent of to Blake. It's only a matter of him signing them now and us finalizing everything.

Most of the time I am okay. Gabriel and I have a wonderful time together ad I feel like the choice I made was actually good. It is only when thoughts of the divorce creep into my head or I have to talk to Blake and I hear his tears that I question myself and fall to my tears.

Gabriel... I feel like he doesn't understand that. I feel as though he has never really loved a person he has had to actually let go of before, even though I know better. He does not even attempt to understand my pain and help me. He is so caught up in his own feelings that cause him to stray that he does not realize that his distance is what has destroyed me. He calls it needing comfort... he has no idea what comfort really is.

I understand what my sister went through now.

I understand why she was the way she was.

But my background is different from hers. She may have been the assassin in the family, but... She was always the weak spirited one. I am not. I should be able to get through this...

Gabriel has left once more at a time I could have really used his support. I felt a burning on my hand and looked down to see the scar fading away.

He has broken the vow just as I thought he eventually would. I hoped he wouldn't, but I know he has. I just hope the person was worth it. I hope his spirit rests in peace now.

As for me...

I know Blake has met another. I know it was her address he gave me to send the paperwork to. I fear it is too late now for me to change my mind. I fear I have done so much damage and have been gone for so long that he will never take me back now. I fear he has already moved on.

My choice hurt so many.

I cannot even ask for forgiveness... I cannot even forgive myself...

*sighs* This unrest in my soul.... I haven't been able to get rid of it...

If I knew it wouldn't affect my uncle....

I would gladly return to the darkness I was once pulled from. At least then I had some kind of rest. I could not be hurt, and I could not hurt others.

wondering...

2007-01-02T15:24:00.000-08:00

(side)

Something is going on... but I haven't been able to figure out what. When I make an attempt to seek out the information that I am looking for, I see this wall. As if someone has set up a block around it and won't let me know what happened.

Gabriel has been acting a bit oddly as well. I see him casting glances at Sanura. he cuddles up against me and gets ... well.. he seems hurt if I don't exactly return the affection right away. He has even asked me if I really do love him.

I wouldn't have given up everything if I didn't...

Thought sometimes I can't help but wonder if we did not do what we did out of the sheer lust of each other. He likes variety. I can give it to an extent. Blake was really my first... So all I learned... I learned from him... and the tips my sister gave me. Since Gabriel and I have been together, she doesn't really talk much to me... Not exactly sure if it's because she doesn't like me much anymore or if it is something else altogether. I have to admit... if it wasn't for some of the things she said- I never would have known some of what I could do when I am with him.

Which sounds really wrong...

I can't expect her to tell me the secrets to work his body any more...

They were gone awhile at the courthouse to finalize their divorce. When they came back, both seemed lost in thought. He tells me nothing much happened except the splitting of everything. She has this odd lost look in her eyes. I saw her discussing something with our mother later on but she kept her thoughts and their conversation veiled from me so I could not figure out what it was about. I only know that it has to be something dealing with Gabriel. It worries me because they got a spellbook out soon after and began looking something up...

I guess they found it and my sister was not exactly happy with what was found. Ori was gone and so she left the room... has been in her room ever since.

Which leaves me wondering about them... Gabriel was supposed to be talking to Ori about moving forward with Sanura. I don't think they have had time to have that chat. Even still... I am not sure if he ever really will.. even if Gabriel and I spring the surprise wedding on them...

Something is really off in the Hart mansion... and only time will tell if it will ever be okay here....

Secrets...

2006-12-28T08:13:00.000-08:00

I still cannot believe the mistake I made... There's no way I can tell Blake. It would just hurt him so much. I just can't let him know. And I can't let it happen again either. I have to remain true to my vows...

********************

(side)

So many thoughts in my head, I still have to work up the courage to get the divorce started. It's not something i look forward to- part of me screams out against it telling me I shouldn't be doing this. I mean... it isn't like blake has ever given me a reason to leave. He loves me so much. And I admit that I still really do love him. It's hard feeling so torn.

It's probably the one thing Sanura and I can agree with right now. Both in love with people we can no longer have... Trying desperately to hold on to the love we do have.

Gabriel and I have done some talking. He feels Sanura will give him the divorce he is seeking without a problem. I feel that she may hold on until Ori makes a decision... It's not exactly fair to gabriel, but I can see why she does this. And with her newfound religion, she isn't sleeping with Ori or she isn't breaking her wedding vows. There is still so much saddness in her eyes. I would bet money that if Gabriel could and did ask her to come back to him, that she would do so in a heartbeat.

He hesitates when asked about his feelings for her, even tries to change the subject by telling me he loves me... It leaves me wondering if he really does still love her. I wouldn't blame him, but I would wonder just why he gave up something he obviously still cares about... Maybe... Just maybe they can at least remain friends. I know I would like to see that, just as I would like to see Blake and myself remain friends as well.

After some talking, Gabriel suggested nudging Ori into making things more official between him and Sanura. We agree that as long as there is a church and a priest he may actually follow through. Once we are certain that Gabriel and Sanura are divorced we plan to toss Sanura and Ori in a small church to exchange vows of their own. We feel it might be the only way Ori would actually follow through since he has his Christian beliefs which have stopped him from so much. It's obvious he really likes her. We just have to see to it that he finally does something about it. Instead of setting up a blind date...

Gabriel and I are fixing up a surprise wedding for them... I just hope they like it...

Still.. if Gabriel really does still love his wife... planning this really can't be that easy on him...

Conflictions....

2006-12-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

(RP) Angel is barely keeping her nerves in check. She’s anxious and excited at the same time. She can’t wait for this moment. TV crews are every where. People running all over the place, decorations barely staying where they have been put. The twins are all over the place too.

But that isn’t all….
In all the mayhem going on, I run into him…

Gabriel…

It takes a lot for me not to stare at him. I am a married woman. I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do when he is around. It isn’t right… but when he ran his fingers through my hair, I swear I melted… Then he kissed me…

Which … shouldn’t have happened, but even worse, it happened in front of Nakia. I am hoping she forgets- she has a habit of telling her father things…

I sent them to find their cousins to play with and looked back at Gabriel thinking he would just leave… But he tried to kiss me again…

I shouldn’t have done what I did… but he followed me to my room so we could have some privacy… I meant to tell him we couldn’t do this… but the minute he held me close and kissed me again, I lost all sense of right and wrong… we wanted each other… plain and simple…

Ra… what have I done… v.v

*********************

(side) With the confusion of everything going on, I seemed to have lost track of everyone. Even Gabriel disappeared on me. So I had nothing to do but think… A lot has happened… I don’t even know where to begin. With nothing to do, no one really to talk to- all I do is sit and concentrate. So more visions come to me. I saw when the darkness overwhelmed Angel’s gentle heart. She was weakened by her heartbreak when Orifiel confessed he loved Kay more than her. She risked so much in just allowing him to have Rose while he was with herself as well. She never dreamed she would have to share him with a 2nd woman on top of that. Especially one he loved more than she. It was too much for her.

The Power lashed back hard, bringing out the darkness that had been repressed over time in a lot of people, and even reviving others best left for dead. Malcolm took off for Vegas… soon after, Blake followed… Not that it would have mattered I guess.. not like we could ever be anything more than friends anyway.. I knew my heart for Gabriel… but I began to wonder if he really loved me… or if he was fooling himself.

Have I given it all up for nothing?

Those who were snatched away by evil… I only hope can somehow be returned…

Gave a chance....

2006-12-08T05:27:00.000-08:00

I thought maybe I felt something I couldn't have felt... But to test myself, I called RIJ and set up a meeting in the park. I had to know... I don't kow why, but I had to know. Was what I felt love? Or was it merely curiousity?

I thought maybe he felt for me what I thought I was feeling for him. There was something there when we kissed... But when I mentioned my children... he acted strange... I knew then he never could have been serious. So I went home... To my husband. And I renewed my promise to him.

I won't ruin what I have.

So.. RIJ... Good luck to you and my sister. I wish you the best...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidelines:

It's been hard trying to get over the fact that Serenity was killed... It was a struggle to make it through every day. Gabriel has been kind to me though... and patient... Though I wonder what his thoughts were when he saw what was left of Serenity...

My uncle brought her back, but she's so quiet...

Gabriel has been keeping to the holiday spirit. I have gotten a gift relating to the song the 12 days of Christmas every day so far lol It makes me wonder what else he has planned for me...

confused...

2006-11-29T07:07:00.000-08:00

You would think now that Blake and I are married, I would be happy.... But a part of me keeps going back to that moment RIJ kissed me. Sometimes I still feel his lips touching mine..

Sometimes it is him in my dreams at night....

I am not certain what this means, but I know I have to figure it out soon. I am Mrs. Blake Evans now.... i can't be having thoughts like these of another man- especially one who is with my sister...

Nakia is a great deal like her father. Always getting into things, and giving Malik a hard time on top of that... It is fun to watch at times... but our son... Cayden.... I worry about him.

Cayden is my quiet one. He hardly ever speaks. He has such a light voice that I love to listen to, but he hardly ever uses it. The way he looks up at me... I think there is something to him that senses things about people like I can. That worries m too. It wouldn't take much for cayden to let anything he senses slip...

Blake asked me why I as so quiet. If everything was okay. I was able to skirt around the question easily. In truth everything really is okay. I am worried about Cayden which is what I told him. I just didn't have to tell him about the thoughts of RIJ that have been on my mind lately. As long as he doesn't directly ask me, I never have to say a thing. I have been lucky in the fact that no one here knows that fact...

A direct question forces a complete truthful answer from me instead of a partial truth. I just don't want to hurt the man I have always loved for so long...

_____________________________________

Sidelines-

Tahiti has been wonderful. A nice escape. But when Gabriel leaves our room I am left alone to my thoughts. My senses return to me and I can once more feel my husband's pain. He is holding out for me, I know this. Ra.. He has always been so good to me... This isn't fair to him...

I sit and stare at both the wedding and engagement rings Blake had given me. I have held them tightly in my hand. I want him to know that regardless of my choice, I still love him very much. I will never stop loving him. I just love Gabriel too. I need to be able to explore this first for a while. Understand it.

Then suddenly I can sense a greater distress. Against my wishes, I return home to find Gabriel and Rose locked in a fight...Just as I told my uncle, I showed that he listens to me, and rather quickly at that... I quietly told him to release Rose and he did. Then I told him I had to leave again... If I see my husband, I break apart...

He needs time to heal...

I need time away as well...

Tahiti is really a needed break for the both of us...

I do wish that everyone would stop fighting... I wish Gabriel and Sanura would stop fighting the most... It hurts me terribly, not that any consideration should be given to me... But it still hurts. I feel the pain she hides. I know she feels my own as well.

Gabriel... Sanura... please... stop fighting.... please....

4 years...

2006-11-20T07:57:00.000-08:00

Wow... who knew being a mother to twins could be so tiring... I feel sorry for my own mother now lol. Blake and I have been really trying to enjoy life as best we can though. Nakia is a little mini-Blake I swear lol. A thief in training he calls her lol. It's actually kind of cute now lol.

Things are slightly tense within the home though. RIJ... he is always watching me when he is there. I try to make sure i am never left alone with him. My heart has conflicting feelings around him. He seems to be with my sister. They do go out often. And I remember the flowers he got for her. His face turned so red when she thanked him for them that I had to giggle. Still.. being around him isn't a good idea for me. I have never strayed from Blake before I am not going to do so now. I love him. I adore our family. There is no way I am about to mess that up...

RIJ... You have to move on... You have to be with someone who can give you her whole heart. I am not the one for you.... I'm sorry but I love Blake. I can never be with you....

______________________________

Sidelines:

I look up at that and kick myself... For I have indeed messed up my family, my marriage... I can't stand to see the tears in blake's eyes now. I know I am the cause of them... I want to go to him, to hold him and kiss the tears away. But I fear if I go near him...

i need to talk to him. I really need to try to make things right somehow. I don't know how. Gabriel told me some things that really left me feeling confused... The way he made it seem... he was sleeping with both Blake and me at around the same time... Blake always told me Gabriel was jealous... But who was he jealous of? Me? or Blake?

I shouldn't worry myself with such things though.

I know my sister thinks I'm a fool... most likely my uncle too... I don't blame them. I never should have had to make this choice. I should have chosen my husband of 25 years and our family... But I chose Gabriel.... but I wasn't stupid about it either...

I have known him long enough to know what he is capable of... I took an extra precaution. We made blood vows. The vows seal us to our word. He cannot sleep with anyone other than me. He cannot keep secrets from me if I ask him something. He cannot hide anything like that baby from me. He cannot harm or hurt me in any way. He does and immortal or not... a magic will kill him. A magic older than the both of us. The same basic magic that killed his parents. He will not be able to escape it. The moment his lips touch another he will feel the searing pain. He will know when he has done wrong. He has been bound in blood to me....

v.v...

Just as I have been bound by blood to him...

He knew this when we made the vow and he still went through with it. So he knows the risk he takes. His last partner was Orifiel. he struggled over the part of the vow denying everyone except me. He wanted to keep Orifiel... but in the end he sealed the vow barring him from ever sharing his bed and body with Orifiel ever again...

Maybe he really does love me if he was willing to take such a huge risk and give everything up...

If I have to give up my husband and my kids and the life I have always known for him....

Gabriel can give up all others for me....

That way we are fair...

Still... a part of me feels lost... torn... cold... He can temporarily make it go away long enough for me to rest, but... Whenever I see Blake.. or hear him shed his tears...

A part of me dies inside along with him...

Gabriel is trying to help me deal...

The kids are helping their father...

Somehow... somehow I pray that we will all be all right...

Sideline note...

2006-11-15T10:57:00.000-08:00

Ra.... I really have no idea what I am doing... I don't know if it is the right thing or if I am making a huge mistake... I always cared deeply for Gabriel... But I love 'Kura so much. He has been good to me. He accepted me back even though he found out I slept with Gabriel not just once, but twice... He has never once harmed me. Never betrayed me. Never once done anything against me.

Yet 3 nights ago he lied to me.

I don't know- maybe he forgets I can catch on to things easier than others. That baby, I know it wasn't who he said it was... Why would he lie to me?... Why would I not be allowed to go into a room with him? I am his wife. He has never gone against me before. I am wondering if I am not getting the treatment I deserve. What if the baby is his and he has been with another all this time. I did sense a female upstairs... Is she the one?

Gabriel needed to talk to someone who would actually listen to him. For some reason he chose to talk to me. He told me things others would never believe. He told me he still loved me...

Ra how did I get into this mess?! What do I do? I don't want to hurt 'Kura... Our children... the twins... they are old enough to accept and understand.. Nakia even said she wouldn't be surprised if one day this kind of announcement came... And Serenity...

I asked Gabriel for help. He thinks it is just easy to go up to the man I have loved and been married to for more than 25 years and just tell him it is over... It would be easy if 'Kura was a jerk.. but he has never even hit me... Never laid a rough hand on me at all...

So what excuse do I give him?

How do I tell the most perfect husband I could have ever asked for... That I want out...

And what if I am making a mistake? What if Gabrile is just saying these things.... Planning on just ruining Bakura's life then doing to me exactly what he did to my sister? Controling her. Abusing her, cheating on her...

If he does- I will not be like my sister... I would sooner be alone than be with a man who would cheat on me...

Because after what I am about to do.... I doubt 'Kura would take me back no matter how much I begged and pleaded with him...

I really wish a vision of my future would appear... because right now? I am scared out of my mind...

the pain...

2006-11-09T23:48:00.000-08:00

I am constantly filled with pain.

Dorian was just telling me what he thought was the reason why I had been so sick lately when an exlposion plummeted us to the basement floor. I don't remember anything until I woke up at Blake's house. He looked so worried... It was then I felt the stinging pain in my leg and the horrible add on of pain in my back... I still feel that so I am keeping this brief.

I knew RIJ wasn't going to be too happy about seeing Blake and me resting in his room when he got home. Upset was an understatement- he flipped and ordered us out of the room.

To be honest I am glad... I wasn't really sleeping that well there anyway.

I know what Dorian was going to tell me though... about why I had been so sick...

Now I just have to find a way to tell Blake... and hope he's all right with it....

Confusion...

2006-10-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

That's all I can think right now. I have no idea what is going on. Seems the vision I had about blurred vision and water... It was of myself. Malik has a problem with 'Kura and me being together... though he isn't the only one. More on that later though...

'Kura wanted me to go bowling and meet his friends. I hadn't realized that meeting Malik again would cost my life once more. Oddly, he was more concerned over this Gabriel guy... RIJ.... I may be mistaken, but I swear there was something between them. I say was, because there in front of me, I am certain I saw it end... Malik went from a tough man who was ready to tear everything apart to a broken man who didn't have the heart to do anything.

Malik spoke to 'Kura while I was left to deal with RIJ. He stared at me with this odd look in his eyes. Then he got close.. too close... He was saying all these things that didn't make sense to me. He told me he was better than 'Kura. He tried to convince me to go away with him. I couldn't do that... not now... But he wouldn't understand. He couldn't. He seems to think it would be easy for me to turn my back on the one i have loved for so long. The one who asked me to be his wife. No... I can't. I won't. RIJ can't make me...

There was a battle. RIJ and me... we fought. He and Malik tried to convince me that 'Kura was to marry another. That he lied to me. But I saw through their tricks. They must not have known I have the gift of second sight. I can see through so many things. But RIJ... there is something about him... it scares me... I rejected him... I guess one time too many. He made a blood vow to never love anyone... That as when I saw him look at Malik and repeat that he would love no one ever again. Malik fell to his knees, shock in his eyes. I felt his crushed spirit sore into the air around us as he just remained there. I think if there was ever anyone who truly loved thie RIJ guy... Malik was the one. And he was now locked out of his life. RIJ and I struggled and fought...

We were stopped only when my sister interrupted... At first I thought she had shown up to help and protect me. Imagine my surprise when she stepped in front of him stopped my attack. She told me enough was enough and he didn't deserve this. That he had been through already too much. Sanura refused to tell me her meaning. I don't think she ever really will. She remained in between us, protecting and guarding him until Malik helped him up and helped to get him and 'Kura away. I just watched in shock.

You know- people would think I was glad to have my sister back in my life. They would think we would get along great... but since she's been home... it's cold. We fight more than get along. We don't hardly talk to each other at all. She does her thing and I do mine. She could never understand the resentment I feel toward her. When she was gone, all my parents could think about was getting her back. I was sent away to be with my Uncle while they finished a war and then searched the world to find her. I don't mind living with my Uncle, he's a great man who is like a second father to me. I love him to deatha nd will always do what I can to help him if I can, but I resent that I had to miss out on so much time with my parents all because of her. I was a grown adult by the time they came into my life. I was ready to get married and be out on my own. I am most likely more willing to listen to something Uncle Atemu tells me to do than they because to me he is my father. I have tried to include them in my life... but it still seems there is something more important going on. My Uncle responds more than they do.

Maybe I should have followed 'Kura's thought and not had my father's permission and blessing to be married, but my Uncle's... I want him there... It's a matter of convincing 'Kura...

But that leads into more. We have my father's blessing. We are set, all we have to do is plan it. But RIJ is going to be a problem. Whenever he comes around and I am alone, he makes advances to me. He tells me he loves me. That I am different. At first I continued to resist... but then this last time... he kissed me... 'Kura was right there, asleep between us. I couldn't believe how bold he was... I didn't move. I couldn't or else I would have waken 'Kura. But I felt myself respond to his kiss this time... I don't know why... But I did...

My sister was there... she saw this... She seemed just as confused.. and hurt... but I don't understand what was going on...

I haven't felt right since he and my sister left. I still feel his lips lingering on mine... 'Kura is trying to get me to eat, but I have felt so sick the past couple of days. It's been hard to keep much down. I am to a point where I fear what will happen if 'Kura and I are not married ... and soon....

Truth revealed...

2006-10-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is right..
I finally told mother who I have been seeing.
...

And she was okay with it. cautious yes, and she warned me it could be a ruse to get at my father, but she ended with telling me that as long as he makes me happy then she will support us.

Now if only 'Kura could talk to my father...

He seems concerned with ... *closes eyes* Malik's... disappearance. I say good riddance. I can't stand having him around. I feel completely weak and have no control of anything. the longer he stays gone the better I will be.

Still, I have had some strange dreams... A man with golden eyes... I feel his hands on me as they push me and then suddenly I am falling... I see water.. blurred vision as if I am looking at the sky from under the water's surface. I see anger, bitterness, and jealousy. I see a terrible battle... I see things that scare me...
But i know that 'Kura will always be here for me, with me. Whatever happens we will get through it together.

Need to help...

2006-07-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

I feel compelled to help...

The girl I spoke of last night is in a mess of trouble I know is not her fault. Not entirely. She is now being forced to give up everything she loves over this.

She does not know I heard what is going on. She still does not even know I am in this home... My parents were firm in making sure she faces what is due to her. But she doesn't deserve it all. So she is going to get a bit of help.

In the years here, I have made many friends. Many people have owed me favors... now it's time I called a few in. She will get some help. She will be cleared of this crime so she can at least have her life back...

Slow Road To Recovery

2006-07-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

At least I AM recovering though.

I haven't been able to get ahold of 'Kura though. I haven't seen him since it happened either... I miss him terribly. I can only imagine how long it will take before my mother figures it out... She is where I got the gift of second sight from. If she doesn't already know there is someone in my life, she will learn soon enough, I'm sure. To be honest, I am surprised I was able to keep it from my uncle all this time. He has always kept such a close eye on my brother and me.

I hear people coming into the house. I have locked my door so that I am left alone. I am not sure I want to really be in the presence of too many others right now... I guess it is still too soon after the attack.

The nightmares don't go away. I woke up last night to my mother holding me tightly. My throat was sore. I could tell I had been screaming. I saw a cut on Mother's face already healing from where I had scratched her. My father was on the other side holding my arm straight while Dorian gave me a shot of some kind. Just before I slipped back to sleep, I heard my mother whisper something about the time coming to help me a bit more. I don't know what is going to happen. But it can't be much worse from what I have already been through.

The noise has quieted. I hear one female voice. It's soft and light. Almost angelic. I don't know it, but when I heard it a vision of a girl with crystal blue eyes and a bright smile flashed in my mind. There was a light around her that was almost unnatural. Almost etheral... like she couldn't have been real. There was a guy with her from what I heard. Someone she seemed to care about. He was quiet and kind of shy. At least.. I think... I got a mixed feeling about his voice. i closed my eyes and saw two faces. One sweet and kind. One dark and mysterious. Both equally handsome. One a gentleman, the other a .... well.. a sex-crazed animal...

I don't know if this girl knows much about him. I sense few know the differences in him. The quiet presence who was here tonight though.. he likes her... Maybe a bit intimdated by her, but he still likes her. No doubt her light attracted the darkness within him. I wonder who they are and why they are here.... Perhaps if I ever start feeling better again, I can venture out of my room and see for myself. Then again... my face is still healing... Dorian says it could be another 2 days before my power is at full strength enough to complete the healing process...

I guess for that I am glad that 'Kura hasn't been able to see me.. I don't think I could handle him seeing me like this... He's used to my beauty... This... this mark... *looks down* It's bad enough the bastard carved his initial onto my hip as a permanate reminder... No matter how much power I have, that was too deep.. I will always have it to remind me... I just hope that 'Kura wil be able to see passed it... I ...

I don't know what I would do if he kept me at a distance after this... I need to hear his voice, but I am afraid to call. I want to be in his arms, but I can't leave just yet... not sure he would chance coming here...

I just want.... *sighs* ... I don't want to be around anyone...

But I don't want to be alone anymore either...

A Fresh Start...

2006-07-08T16:45:00.000-07:00

To make sense of things I'll start off by saying that I am Zahara Hart. My parents are Atem and Aurora; the former king and queen of Eudora. I say former because our country has been destroyed. A casulaty of the war we face.

To explain... you'd probably get more out of my father. I was too young to remember anything. All I did remember was that my sister was stolen from us. Kidnapped by someone working for Lord Theron... I guess you can call him a distant uncle to me. He is in truth, my father's uncle. Under the threat of the greatest battle known to us, my father sent Adais, my brother, and myself to flee elsewhere with our Uncle Adam. He did well for us. I know it had to have been hard on him. So young and yet having to raise two kids who were not even his own. I did feel bad.. but I also know there was not much I could do until I was old enough to take a job of my own. Adais and I were homeschooled to the best of our Uncle's ability with some of the best tutors we could have. Still at the back of our minds, we wondered what had become of my mother and father. We wondered if they would ever find us.

It took some time, but one day Adais was trying to cheer my uncle up when they started a food fight. This smooth voice came from the door asking Uncle Adam if he was stil up to his old tricks.We all looked up. It was like looking at my uncle in a mirror except the man looking in on us had hair slightly longer than my uncle's... saw a slight scruff of a goté as well lol.

My Uncle froze and the expressions on his face before he turned to face the man at the door were too many to describe. One minute there was saddness, then fear, then confusion... then dawning joy. He ran and nearly knocked the man over. Turns out that was our father. My mother and father had found us. The reunion was bittersweet when we learned our grandparents and other younger Uncle were killed slightly before the main battle begun. Their escape was cut off by the enemy. They didn't have a chance. The worse part of it was they were almost free.

Adais and I helped get all our things packed up and moved over to my parent's home and then without unpacking I had to leave in order to meet my date...

My date.. A secret affair you can say. Since being in Harbor Springs I have met one of the darker immortals. A theif and enemy to my father and Uncle. That is why it has had to be kept silent. We meet in dark areas. Alleys or bars. He hasn't told anyone that I am aware of.. and I know I have not said a word about it. Sometimes I just don't understand how he can be an enemy. He is so good to me. So either he has no idea who I am or it really doesn't matter to him. I am hoping the latter of the 2 is the correct answer. Already I feel such strong feelings for him. *sighs* A wonderful man.. wonderful relationship, and yet it all has to be a secret...

or is it?

I was out to meet him in our usual spot when a pair of hands grabbed me and yanked me into a nearby abandoned office building. I won't even begin to describe what happened to me. I can't. All I know is the guy said his name was Malik. He wanted me to know because he wouldn't stop until I screamed his name as if crying Mercy in a fight. I don't know how long it went on.. a few hours I suppose. I fought him as hard as I could. I bit, I clawed, I screamed and cried.. I felt the cuts and bruises, I felt my own blood being shed. Then it was over. he was gone. I was left alone with hardly any of my clothing. I couldn't walk. Couldn't stand. Could barely crawl to the door to make an attempt to find help.

I remember being dizzy but determined to get help. Then suddenly my body just couldn't take anymore. I fell the rest of the way to the cold hard ground. A kind, blonde gentleman fouind me. He covered me with his jacket and took me to a hospital. I don't remember much else Just waking up to find my mother, father, and uncle in my hospital room. The gown itched... I hated it. But hated even more that everytime I moved, pain shot up my back.

His words still echo in my head. His breath. I feel his arms hoding me, grabbing me, groping and feeling all over me. I .. I... I can't even describe the pain of anything else that was done. I had to use a small power I had been perfecting in order to convince the doctor that I could go home wiht my family. I am different fromt he mortals there. I don't need to be there, nor did they really want me there. Amazing how racism affects people...

My first thought when I was left alone was to call 'Kura. To tell him why I did not meet him as planned. He was livid. I can't help but wonder if he knew the one who hurt me... because one minute he was on the phone, the next he was fighting with someone... I finally gave up trying to talk to him anymore and just let the sleeping meds the doctor gave me take effect. I only hope I can sleep this pain away.

I want to be able to walk again without limping. I want...

I just want to be held in my sweet 'Kura's arms... Being with him, I'd be able to forget all the pain. He could make it all go away with a kiss... I'm sure...

The sleeping pills are kicking in and I am tired now. So... good night...

Where Did I Go Wrong?

2006-06-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

My greatest fears have been realized. Dorian told us. I guess I should go back a bit...

I was taking care of laundry. I went into Serenity's room long enough to put her clothes on her bed for her to put away when she got home from school. On my way out I caught a glimpse of what looked like a fake ID setting half hidden under a book on her desk. I stopped to take a closer look and realized my thoughts were right. She looked like and the ID said she was 21. I put the ID back and looked up to see a picture on the mirror of her and Raven. They were dressed in these stage like clothes and standing in front of a building with a sign I barely recognized... Apparently some of the nights she had been gone, she had another job. Some of the outfits in her closet confirmed my suspicions. I called for 'Kura and told him... Neither one of us is too happy. But then it gets worse.

We got a call from Cayden at school. Serenity passed out and the nurse was saying it looked like drug use. We got there and I saw the marks. Oriel confirmed what I thought. There were marks on her neck. Bite marks. Seems there's a new vampire in town. And this one is after my daughter.

Dorian says from what he can tell, she has been a donor for a while now. That isn't news we wanted to hear. 'Kura even went so far as to tell her she couldn't see the guy anymore. That went over about as well as if my father would have told me I couldn't see 'Kura again... I expected her to defy him.

I don't know what to do. Do I have Cayden and Nakia spy on her? Follow her around and make sure this guy doesn't drink from her again? Do I chain her to the bed and lock the windows and doors?

O_O... has she invited him in?

If she has and we stand in his way....

Our family could be in a great deal more danger than I first thought...

Well Then..

2006-06-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

(Posted, June 9th, 2006)

It takes me forever to update this thing lol.

Not too much to report. Not too much is going on. Cayden is still doing well in school and Nakia is up with Oriel for Valediction of their class for maintaining a 4.0 GPA the last 4 years of their school life here. Cayden and Sachiel both made Salutatorian for 3.9 GPA's. We all couldn't be more proud.

Nakia tells me the Spring Fling Formal is coming up too. They can't wait till it gets here. Cayden... Silly boy XD. I have heard him practicing his speech to ask Oriel to it for the past 2 weeks. Not sure who Nakia is going with, but I heard Serenity talking the other day about being asked to go. Someone named Sahen.

I can't help but wonder if he is the reason she has been out later and later the last few weeks. She still has yet to really say much about him to us though... I have had this strange dream the past couple of nights. I am surprised I haven't woken 'Kura up in the middle of the night... Sometimes I swear he can sleep like the dead...

I see darkness... blood... I see a man with white hair and fangs. But the fangs aren't always visible. He looks like a typical normal everyday kind of guy ... well.. one with white hair. It's normal to me because of 'Kura, Cayden, and Serenity... I have seen golden eyes in my dream that remind me oddly of RIJ's... But sometimes the eyes turn blood red and that's when the fangs appear. Then I see visions of dead bodies... *cringes*

I don't know why these visions are coming to me, but they have made it so that I am unable to sleep very well at night. More often times than not, I sit on our balcony and look out at the stars. Which leads me to other things I probably shouldn't be seeing...

I have seen a couple down on the beach a few times. I can never see their faces. But a part of me feels like I know them. They are very much in love or so it seems. He is tender and careful with her, and she seems to float on air when he is near. I remember the days of young love. 'Kura and I were like that once. We still have our moments. We are forever young, so we like to make the most of it. But these two on the beach... something about them.... it feels... I don't know... forbidden.

I guess one can only hope they don't get caught. For now I will just worry about Serenity and this mystery guy. The day after the formal dance, they leave on their cruise trip. I can't help but worry about that too... Something feels off about it. But I guess I have to just trust in our children. They have had their training. Mother has even increased practice times. Still I fear if it is enough. I know what it's like and I wasn't a chosen one. Both Cayden and Nakia are. That means their responsibilty is even more...

I hear Serenity trying to sneak back into the house... guess it's time I go find out what's going on...

My how the years have flown...

2006-06-18T17:34:00.000-07:00

(Posted, June 1st, 2006)

14 years to be exact. 'Kura and I have been together 20 years, and we couldn't be happier. Past mistakes left in the past, we were able to move on with our lives and just keep it real between us. No more secrets and lies. He knows everything there ever was to know.

Nakia and Cayden are doing well. We have been proud of them. They graduate their last year of high school this year. History, oddly enough, was their strongest course lol. I guess it helps when your parents have lived through every major event studied in their classes. 'Kura had been eager to help them. I was surprised, yes, but very glad to see it. And there there is our other daughter. Serenity is what we called her. She is 15 now. Her brother and sister are 19... Normally they would have graduated school already, but due to the things that happened 14 years ago with our friends nad family dying, and rising and fighting.... it was a mess. They had missed too many days of school and had to retake the class. So they will be graduating with Oriel and Sachiel this year.

I know Nakia has been looking forward to the senior class trip. A trip to Hawaii for about a week and a half. Rumor has it, teachers are still looking for parents to volunteer to go with the students... Not sure if 'Kura and I could handle all those teens lol. Besides, Serenity has plans to stay with Angel and Ori that week as she is getting some help in one of her classes from their youngest daughter Rayne. 'Kura and I can finally get some alone time...

Considering we bought this beautiful log cabin-style home in the woods, it would be nice to have it as our hideaway for a little while ^_~ . It's a beautiful place on the cliffs. From the south side windows we can actually look down and see Angel and Sanura's homes, so it's nice. Although playing beach volleyball with the guys can be murder on one's muscles lol. Still, many times, Angel, Sanura and I would just sit there and watch them play. Those bodies glistening in the sun...

Mmmmm Poetry in motion XD!

I did see something rather odd though a few times...

I remember I was putting dishes away when I happened to glance out the window. I saw Angel and RIJ underneath some trees near her home. They were talking... at least I think they were talking. It was serious, is all I can tell. The way they looked at each other...

I remembered that look in his eyes. It was the same look he had given me when he and I had our affair. I just pray that isn't the case with Angel. She does't remember Ori's reaction to learning about her having feelings for Orifiel... But I do. He was beyond furious. If he was to even THINK that she is seeing someone else...

I don't even want to think about it. She's an honorable woman. She also really loves Ori. So much so that when RIJ and Sanura renewed their vows, they did a double ceremony with them. It was a lovely ceremony though.

Well, I suppose I better run along to bed now. lol

But before I do- some pictures...

Nakia aged 19

Cayden aged 19

Serenity aged 15.

And that would be our happly family ^_^

Ooooo The Confusion....

2006-06-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

(Posted, May 22nd, 2006)

Too many things are going on that leave many of us confused, bothered, and bewildered... I'm sure by now someone has mentioned the events of the funeral. This went beyond insane...

It boils down to RIj being used to revive Angel for Orifiel's sake, but things backfiring. Orifiel ended up leaving the funeral with Rose. Angel disappeared. Oriel called out for help mentally after she had disappeared. I found her with her mother. Angel had been badly hurt. Rose's handiwork. I could hear the battle going on around me but my focus was on her. Cayden had gone with me to help Oriel. It seems they have developed quie a bond. They don't like be separated. It reminds me ofOriel's connection to Orion, but this is almost different. I can sense Cayden trying even harder to keep his control. A new power surges within him and it scares him. But he does what he has to do. I can see just how much of my families determination is a part of him.

Orifiel had been badly injured as well by the time I had gotten there. The only thing that would help him would be an energy transfer again. I was hesitant knowing what happened the last time. And with Rose there, there was no telling if she would allow us to be connected a s long as would be needed. But I attempted it anyway...

He was like a vacuum. The energy drained me. I barely had the strength to pull back before the last of my energy was gone. I remember falling back, but nothing more. I guess I blacked out again. I have been doing nothing but rest ever since. Mostly just staying near 'Kura. He worries about me. He really is sweet. I am glad for that. Looking back now, all the fear and hesitation people had about our union was really for nothing. He has been golden to me and I could never have asked for more.

As for what's going on now... I have had odd visions. Visions of Kayura and Rose. Both of them in power. Rose in her own separate body. Something was done, but just what I am uncertain. But the spiral of events is about to begin to unravel. I only hope we are ready for what happens... when it finally happens...

The Rest is Silence

2006-06-18T17:32:00.001-07:00

(Posted, May 7th, 2006)

The past 3 days have been silent and dark in the penthouse. No one knows what to say. I don't think anything can be said... Oriel clings to her father. Her last link to her mother. She lost one parent and now she fears losing the other. She is scared. I hear her screams at night as nightmare after nightmare plagues her mind.

Aunt AFG does everything remotely possible to keep my Uncle Atemu calm. But the loss of both my parents has taken its toll. He is ... displaced... lost in himself. So far gone it seems hard to believe anything can bring him back. Nakia took the news of her grandparent's death pretty hard as well. She just sits and stares out the window. Cayden tries to check in on her and Oriel. But he knows enough to let them be. I have explained that Oriel needs her father right now. That he needs her as well. If there was ever a time in which I doubted his love for his daughter I know stand corrected. he has been wonderful to her through this considering. I know he hasn't been getting any more sleep again... He is draining himself and he doesn't seem to care... It's like he's given up.. Or maybe he is plotting... I guess we will know during the funeral one way or another...

Bryant... hasn't left his and Natara's room since his return. He won't eat... He has shut himself out as well...

The battle was successful, but the price paid has just been too high... Too many we love were taken from us. What's more is the battle can't possibly be done... The symols my mother, father, and Natara had on their shoulders.... they have reappeared again... Cayden has noticed a mark resembling my fathers flames on his right shoulder. Nakia has a star on hers. And Oriel... The heart of my mother's white heart power has appeared on her shoulder. With my parents gone.. it will be up to the rest of us to train them in the ways of my parents...

It will be up to the rest of us to get them ready for their own fate...

but for now.. I have a funeral to get ready for... After 3 long days.. it is time to finally say goodbye... and let them rest in peace...

Ra... I don't want to... Please.. Ra.. give them back... I beg you please.. give them back to us...

Transfer of Energy

2006-06-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

(Posted, May 6th, 2006)

It isnt' something I do very oten.. but this was an extreme case.

Orifiel seemed to be... .. wellI'd say odd but he was acting pretty normally for a guy who just learned that his fiancee and daughter were just kidnapped. It took me forever to convince him to go to find Kayura. Cayden said he saw Kayura take Oriel... Atemu mentioned Angel being taken to Theron... The only logical explanation is that she knows something.

We finally get to the hotel she is staying at with Ori. But Orifiel is acting strange. Turns out he was communicating with Oriel. The odd thing was that it seemed to hurt him to talk to her...It didn't make sense... he is the first one I have seen in which a telepathic link hurt... It was then I noticed even more.. he was sick... not sick sick.. weak... Just very weak. His energy level was low. He can't seem to explain it either...

So.. I offered to help him... in a way I have helped very few. Normally, energy transfer is very simple for me... if there is a wound- pass my hand ofer i and it can be healed... but ... there are other ways of energy transfers... Ways Cayden unfortunately know all too well. Ways that if not controled can kill a person.. quickly.

To take energy from a person (usually willing)... the person with the kind of powers I have can place their lips at a person's wrist or neck .. kind of like a vampire... thus the name Psychic vampire... except there is no blood involved.. however... for a direct energy transfer... it is best if the person giving the energy places their forehead against the receiver's forhead. SO I did this for him, knowing he would need a great deal of it.

I didn't realize just how drained he was.. his body kept pulling the energy from me. Drinking from me like I was the fountain of youth... I felt the weakness beginning to take me with it and knew I had to break the connection before he took my life... a side effect that is not very well liked... another is a person receiving that kind of power can come to crave it.. like a drug and continue to want fixes... I can't be that for Orifiel- so let's just hope it was a one time thing...

He apologized.. but it was my choice. I pushed him away before it was too late... I have the control that Cayden does not have right now... Cayden nearly hurt a girl with his touch one day about a year ago. It was then that I realized he managed to get that power from me... So he had to be keep back for a little while till it was explained to him what he could and could not do until we learned more...

Anyway... I just hope he will be okay now.. Mother said the time had come to take the battle to Theron... I have a terrible feeling about this... people will be both hurt and killed...on both sides...

Can the ones left behind deal with the grief?

'Kura... I am not completely certain what my visions are telling me... but I wanted you to know how much I loved you, just in case. You made my life interesting and worth living. I could always count and trust you. You are my world. My thief. The Thief king who stole my heart... 'Kura... no matter what. I love you... and if I don't come out of it alright... I will be waiting there on the other side for you.... *mwah*

Results are in...

2006-06-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

(Posed, May 1st, 2006)

And I couldn't be happier ^_^

We are having a little girl.

We as in my 'Kura and me XD!

Yup 'Kura is the father of the baby I am carrying. This answer is such a relief. I have even gotten my appetite back lol. I am feeling tired now so I am hoping I can finally get some rest. I will need it in the coming months.

'Kura said he kind of had the same feelings going through him that he had back when he was still doing his old thieving ways. He assures me that it's a good thing though lol.

Not sure what RIJ is thinking. More or less likely it is relief. The last thing he would have wanted was to be connected to me through a child.

Yes- I am glad things worked out this way. Now we can concentrate on other things. Like.. getting my cousin and the rest of my family home safe, and protecting Angel from Theron and Ori.... Mother is going to have to eventually explain everything when everyone slows down. I have seen Angel's blog. I can see the inner turmoil she faces. the fear. She has seen her ending and she doesn't understand. She doesn't WANT to understand. Nor will she want to face what is going to happen...

I only pray that Orifiel's love is strong enough to pull her back when she is gone... If he loves her enough... she will make it through this...

From Bad to worse...

2006-06-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

(Posted, April 25th, 2006)

CAN it really get any worse?

First.. a little comedy I guess. I found the fan based quiz on my sweet husband so on a whim I filled out my information... And this is what I got :
Does Yami no Bakura lust after you?
by Rockinmuffin

Name? Zahara

Age? 322

Month you were born in? May

Favorite animal? Cat

Do you find Yami no Bakura attractive?
Yes... I WANT HIM NOW!

What does he say when he first meets you?
I shall rule and you will be my queen!

Has he been stalking you?
You had to get a restraining order

What does he do when he sees you?
He tries to get you drunk

Does he lust after you?
No, but Yami no Malik does ^_~

Does anyone else lust after you?
Yugi

How much does Yami no Bakura lust after you?: 53%

Hmm.. the things fan girls come up with these days...
Anyway- comedy over...
I got my butt seriously kicked by Shadow... I hadn't seen him in so long I thought he disappeared... guess he was just biding his time. What a better time than now...

'Kura and I were talking to RIJ and Sanura, trying to get them to talk to each other and then 'Kura got an idea.. he brought back drinks for everyone and I guess RIJ had a bit too much.. he started talking alright... And not all of it were things Sanura wanted to hear... She finally snapped... The dark side we all feared has returned. And she is ready to stir up trouble.

She has killed one person already.. I can feel it... that isn't a good thing... Her powers are strong and she is full of pent up anger and ready to use it on all of us. to make things worse... UNcle Atemu has been placed under a spell... He actually attacked us in our own home not long after 'Kura and I got hom. We got our kids and ran. Oriel. and Orion... Oh Ra... Ori and Kayura took them...

O_O

*facepalm*

HOW DID WE ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN!!!???

Damnit!! Angel and Orifiel are going to go through the roof... yeah.. just when we thought things couldn't get any worse... They just did... I so wish my mother was here... She stayed behind to continue her quest while Father, Natara, and Bryant all came home... Her quest may have to come to a quick end if things don't show signs of getting better...

I see more visions of blood and murder. I hear the screams in my head of future victims.. each one more gruesome than the next...

I won't deny it.

For the first time in my immortal life.. I am truly... TRULY scared....

Someplace Dark and Cold...

2006-06-18T17:29:00.000-07:00

(posted April 21st, 2006)

You can catch up on what happened with my sister inhr blog I am sure. Long story short, she died and my Uncle brought her back- but I have to wonder how many times an immortal can be killed before they just.. can't be reached to be brought back anymore?

Frankly it would have served RIJ right to lose her after what she is being put through. He claims to love her but I eriously doubt it. I hate that he isn't honest with her. that he is hiding so many things from her- but it is her choice to remain with him. She DIED for hi for Ra's sake. I hope that opened his eyes a bit that's for sure.

I doubt it- but one can only hope.

I called him on the woman he got pregnant though. I FORCED him to tell her about that. She had every right to know what kind of man she had been brought back from the dead to return to. I just wish she would move on and find someone who would treat her better...

Of course he would just tell me that I was jealous and wanted him... No- I screwed up enough. 'Kura has never hurt me the way RIJ has hurt her and I have intention to trade something good for something as messed up as RIJ is. And if he thinks I will trade he is insane. I may have cared about him. Maybe even somewhere deep inside I loved him. But I see how he treats Sanura. It is a sign of how he treats any woman he would be involved with.

Maybe I do sound hateful. Dont get me wrong. I don't hate him. But I am not getting involved again either. I am noticing a few of us are being careful to make sure RIJ and I aren't alone anymore. Probably the best move for this situation.

As for my visions... Even though twisted due to the pregnancy, they are relatively true. Which has me scared for Angel's future... Ori made have made her an immortal but fate has other plans for her. In the end, She may finally be able to join her true family. It will be hard to say goodbye to her when the time comes... Especially hard for Orifiel... He really seems attached to her. But fate is rarely changed to suit how we feel it should be. I know this is my mother's true goal. I know why Angel's parents were killed... I know why Theron will want her. I know why Mother is going to the extremes to find something that will make it so Angel doesn't have to do what she must do...

I can only hope Mother and Father are able to succeed in their quest... Oriel... her calling will be soon as well. Poor thing really will need to harness her powers.. Cayden and Nakia as well. Orion will probably have to learn with Oriel. They are the strongest that we know of right now... It scares me they we may have to leave the fate of the future with all the children...

But if we fail.. they are the world's last hope...

Let's just pray we dont fail...

End Is Near

2006-06-18T17:28:00.001-07:00

(Posted, April 16th, 2006)

The final fight is nearing. But we are far from a team.

Kayura took a major hit. Natara and Bryant were shattered by the news of her death. Then shocked and forzen by news that she wasn't dead after all. Seems the Higher wsa creating his own little game and Kayura became the target. But the battle is moving forward.

RIj and Sanura are at odds and it is about to get worse. I had a vision... One I am not happy about but cannot really talk to anyone about. I have to speak to RIJ but I am afraid to. I have no idea what 'Kura would think.

I saw RIJ with another woman... I don't recognize her. But I didn't like how he so freely and willingly gave her a kiss... I don't like that Sanura saw it... She is beyond crushed. I don't know how she will be when she returns. But I do know that things are about to go from bad to worse. She was betrayed one too many times. By the one who supposedly loved her.

Orion is about to find his family torn.

And I fear RIJ really doesnt care. He will make it sound like Sanura doesn't care.. never cared... He would have no idea just how wrong he is. If he wants his son... I suggest he straightens his act up and comes clean when she asks him about a few things later...

He has no idea the consequences of this action. Had she kised him it would have been something different.. But he kissed her.

But this isn't the only thing I have seen... I see blood... I see water... I see death...

I see Lord Theron.... And I see RIJ and Orion suffering...

I don't like these visions... I want them to go away... They can't be true... The pregnancy is messing with my mind.. it has to be... Sanua wouldn't just allow herself to be taken like that... She wouldn't...

It's a lie....

The vision is a lie...

Ra.. please let it be a lie...

What to Do...

2006-06-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

(Posted, April 11th, 2006)

I really am lost as to what I am to do. On one hand there is the paternity issue that plagues me. I can't sleep. I hardly eat which Dorian is starting to hit on me about. He tells me I need more food in my system, not just water. But I can't seem to keep anything down. This isn't just typical morning sickness... my nerves aren't exactly helping anything at all.

RIJ is upstairs with some woman I guess sent here to help him. Not sure what good that will do. He has always had problems and this isn't helping. I told Dorian I would take the test now just to get it over with. He and 'Kura begged me to change my mind. I understand their concern. It is a terrible risk. Not to me... to the baby.

I have nightmares at night of how things will be if the baby is either RIJ's or 'Kura's... I am scared either way of how things will be. I know 'Kura would be a great father. I also know he would never want RIJ to know if it was his child. 'Kura would rather it be kept from him so there wouldn't be any trouble. But... I wouldn't feel right doing that to RIJ. He has a right to know either way...

Still once again, I see 'Kura's point and I would most likely keep my mouth shut. But I wouldn't feel right about it at all.

Too Much...

2006-06-18T17:27:00.001-07:00

(Posted, Paril 7th, 2006)

Things are quiet around the house ...

Nakia won't hardly speak to me. Cayden seems to be okay- just geting into trouble. When he came to me, he was covered in whipped cream. I am afraid to see what room in this place was destroyed... But I got him washed up and we just spent time together. Even 'Kura seems a little off. Like something is wrong.

My sister seems to be recovering pretty well. Though her relationship with RIJ seems to be very strained. He is even more quiet. Something is bothering him, but I can't get to him to talk to him without drawing attention to us. Not to mention I have no idea what would happen if we did go somewhere to talk. I have to admit, I fear how things will be. The fact that I am expecting isn't helping matters any for anyone. Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish I wasn't...

It would just make things so easy to forget... maybe.. I don't know... I guess I just have to keep praying that the baby is 'Kura's. That would make everyone happy.

Or would it... I need to return to being a wife to my husband. I have to stop this fantasy that has been created... but things have gone too far... I can't help but worry what will happen in the future and my nerves are so stressed my visions... they aren't what they should be...

For once, I don't know what to expect and it scares me...

I give up....

2006-06-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

(Posted April 4th, 2006)

I can't fight this anymore... and to be honest I don't think I really could if I wanted to... It feels wrong and yet right when I am with him. I have to have him in my life one way or another... If we can't be lovers... I want to keep him as a friend... Because I have learned that I could count on him... trust him... He knows I love 'Kura and he won't push it... in fact he tries to keep his distance... but I know how he feels... we can't deny it...

We have our own families and we cannot hurt them... So can we still be a part of each other's lives by becoming friends? Or will our feelings only continue to grow and get in the way?

Ra... this isn't fair... This should never have happened... I need to get back to 'Kura... I felt his pain during his battle... I haven't felt too much from him since the attack ended... I only hope that he and Cayden are alright...

Choices Made...

2006-06-18T17:26:00.001-07:00

(Posted, April 3rd, 2006)

RIJ and I ... We have finally made our choices.... I went out to get him and bring him back to the hotel. I had a run in with Kayura though in the process. Something has changed about her... She was wearing this strange ring and her eyes kept flashing. She wasn't acting quite like herself. And her power has somehow been increased... She caught me seriously offguard when she sent me flying out of the nightclub I had found her and RIJ at...

He watched n in shock until she nearly crushed my stomach. Then suddely he stepped in to stop her. When my uncle had her distracted, RIJ spoke to me. He wanted me to tell him that the baby wasn't his. But he wanted the truth. The absolute truth is that I honestly don't know who the father is... I won't until the baby is far enough a long the test can be done without hurting the child. Then I broke down - after I got us out of the rain- and I told him I loved him... He begged me not to lie to him and I wasn't. I wasn't lying. I do love him... Not to the same degree I love 'Kura as he stated he understood, but I do still love him... I will... always...

It was agreed that it was better we keep our distance... better maybe.. but can we really? The history is always there between us.. and if the baby turns out to be his...

I feel like a part of me left with his deicision... I didn't kow I could miss him like that. I mean most of the time he is in the same room.... But I can never touch him again, hold him or kiss him...

Not that I really should want to... but I can't help how things have become... I just have to move forward and try to forget...

Sanura made it back home with Orion and Orifiel made it back with Oriel... But I still haven't heard from 'Kura... Cayden is still out there...I just hope they are okay...

Just When I Think I KNow...

2006-06-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

(Posted, April 1st, 2006)

'Kura refused to let me go with them to get the kids back. So I was left behind with Angel who was ... kind of put to sleep with one of Dorian's drugs in order to calm her down. Nakia was left behind as well. RIJ chose to remain at the hotel as well.

I was fine with him being there until he sat beside me... Then he tried putting the moves on me again... I put a stop to it though. I pulled away and kind of kept my distance. It just didn't feel right. Of course it shouldn't feel right... He's my brother in law not my husband. But that doesn't stop me wanting what he can do...

Still I know better... He told me he loved my sister. He told me to believe him that he did. Just that something inside him doesn't let him show it. Then he tells me he loves me too... He touched where the baby is growing and told me he was sorry.... Sorry I was having to go through al this... I am sorry things got to the point they did... But I can't say I am sorry for meeting him. He is... unique. It takes a strong person to try to stick by him... Sanura has her work cut out for her that's for sure...

Anyway- I get away from him to go into the kitchen. While I am there I open the cupboard and there is this flash. Suddenly flaming daggers seem to be falling down on me. I don't know what it was but I didn't like it. I must have screamed because RIJ came running in to see if I was okay. The next thing I know he is holding me and I .. I just cling to him. I couldn't let go. It felt... I don't know it just felt right and wrong at the same time. He comforted me, held me... Told me everything would be okay... That.. That I was safe...

Ra forgive me, but my heart tugged at his words. I don't know why, but I believed him and just wanted him to hold me tighter... I wanted...

*takes a deep breath* I heard him tell me he loved me as he held me close. I didn't speak it.. but I returned those words to him through our link... And they were true. I realized it the moment I said them. I really did love him.. I really DO love him... Not as much as much as 'Kura, but almost just as much. The feelings scare me... He kissed me.... And I kissed him back.

That's when it happened... his wall went down and I saw things I shouldn't have seen. I didn't try, I tried to pull back and away. But his thoughts.. they wrapped around me, consuming me... Gripping my heart and ... and... I don't know. All I know is I was shaken to the core. I wanted him more, to hold, to comfort him... and then.... I knew I had to let him go... But not just for the sake of my marriage.. He NEEDED me to let him go...

Something in him needs to distance himself from my sister and me. I don't know why.. his wall came back up before the answer was revealed to me... All I know is he wants us to stay away from him... So I pulled away... I put distance between us. Then he... I don't know... It was odd. I don't know if he was angry or hurt that I pulled away. I told I knew.. I knew he wanted us away so I was respecting him... I didn't search his mind... it was opened to me somehow... I don't know... *wipes tears* I swore to him I would never purposely read his mind and I didn't. I honestly didn't.... I don't understand. I asked him what did he want of me?

Did he want me to cry at his feet? Tell him I loved him so much it hurt? That I couldn't take another minute without him... He said that sounded kind of nice before he walked away...

He hasn't been back yet... If he isn't back by the time my sister returns.. she will blame me for this... and it does seem to be my fault this time... I have to go out after him... I hear the rumbling of thunder in the distance... a storm is coming... RIJ doesn't like water... I shouldn't be running out after him... there is too much at stake... but I can't let him be caught in the storm either... Hopefully I find him before the rain comes...

I don't know what will come of this... but I hope that I won't regret this decision...

Missing...

2006-06-18T17:25:00.001-07:00

(Posted, March 24th, 2006)

First it was Nakia... now it is Cayden.

One minute he is home and the next he is gone. I want to go after him, but Dorian won't let me. He says I am in too fragile a condition to be chasing after my son. I have news for him. If we ever find out who took him, I don't care what orders the doctor gives me. I am going after my son and I WILL bring him home.

Nakia stays near 'Kura. 'Kura doesn't say a word. In fact.. the only man in the home really saying anything is my Uncle. All the others are silent. I have to admit I am kind of scared of the silence. 'Kura and RIJ used to be friends. Orifiel is RIJ's brother. All 3 of them are strong and used to plotting vengeance... If that is what is going on, I feel sorry for the kidnapper.

Cayden, hang in there my son. We are trying to find you . We are going to find you and bring you home soon. I promise...

Taking it slow...

2006-06-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

(Posted, March 21st, 2006)

My little battle with RIJ... It just wasn't what I needed to do. I should have known better. I am very weak now as a result. Too much magic and energy too soon. Now all I want to do is sleep.

When I got back to the loungeroom, everyone was quiet. Seems my uncle learned of a possible missing family member. One that had been thought was dead. Sanura isn't reacting very well to it. Seems this missing family member could be a daughter she had with AIden that she had been told died at birth. This is one of the first times I have seen Malik care about someone other than himself. He is really worried about my sister's mental state. I expected this loevel of fear in Marik, but not Malik. My sister I guess decided that she needed to leave the hotel for a little while and RIJ went with her.

I don't know what is going on with him. He keeps glancing up at me. I can't quiet grasp the look I see in his eyes. I can't help but wonder if he didn't have stronger feelings for me than he let on. Somewhere deep inside I know I feel the same way. Things changed in the short time we had together. But I can't give in this time. I have to be strong enough to say no from now on.

Still... Everytime I close my eyes I see him... He there holding me. I feel his lips on mine, I hear his whispered voice in my ear. I can almost feel his body against mine. I can't get the thoughts out of my head. This is so wrong, yet I can't stop myself. I will not deny that I want him... But I will not leave 'Kura and hurt my sister as a result. I value my family too much.

I doubt we will ever be together again. Fate has ended that. RIJ seems okay with Sanura again. I just can't ignore the looks he passes my way. We know each other on different levels. Even our battles are more personal. It is hard for me to fight him with everything I have like I used to.

How did things get to be this way? I just don't understand...

I can't focus on it anymre. I really need to go slow and take my time. I need to rest again.
...

Knowing how she feels...

2006-06-18T17:24:00.000-07:00

(Posted, March 20th, 2006)

Yes... I think I finally understand Sanura's feelings about RIJ. He hurts her time and time again yet, she keeps going back to him. It's sick and sad sure... but she loves him so she can't help it I guess.

Alot has happened. One being the truth is out. And Bakura is okay with it... I wonder just what I could do to make him give up on me, but I am not pushing it. I don't want him to give up. I want to be with him. I finally got my head back on my shoulders again. Course... finding out I was pregnant kind of helped that.

I had begun to wonder when I felt so tired all the time. And when the kids all turned up missing, we found them, but I had to use all my energy to get them out of danger. I blacked out and when I came to RIJ was sitting beside me. He told me he wouldn't leave me...

But then he snapped... somehow he learned I was expecting and he flew into a rage... He wants the child gone. It's as 'Kura feared. RIJ would sooner have me killed. All this time... was he playing me for a fool? If he was, how come I fell for it? It doesn't make sense...

But it seems we are back to normal again... We had another fight up on the roof top, but RIJ hardly fought me which was odd. He normally LOVES to do battle... I wonder what stopped him this time...

It doesn't matter. I am tired again so I will go for now... If I recall anything else I will be sure to write it down...

Trapped

2006-06-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

(Posted, March 7th, 2006)

I have no idea how I got to where I am. I hate what is happening. I am torn. I have lost my honor, but few realize it. I enjoy the time RIJ and I have together. I want him more and more each time. It is really getting out of hand and when I try to end it... I .. I can't. I am almost certain Sanura knows. She is biding her time. She is in denial. Maybe RIJ is right... he says 'Kura and Sanura should find out on their own though.

No... I respect them too much for this... I just don't know how to tell them. I am scared of 'Kura's reaction. Sanura... is acting odd herself. When she saw RIJ pretend to kiss me... She was quiet. She never once attacked me as I feared she would have. I don't know what is going on in her mind. I would read her blog.. but I fear what I will find.

I can sense a struggle within RIJ. Our Mindlink has done something we can't change. It almost scares me. We have become more daring in our attempts to spend time together. We slipped away again a little while ago, but we didn't get far. He was ready.. I know he was. But I stopped him. We talked about this. He claims he is feeling a pain. A pain he felt where his heart should be... A pain he once claimed only Sanura could remedy.

I ... I am afraid. I was afraid this would happen. He has become too attached. Sadly, I fear I may be as well. Otherwise I could just ignore his pain. I could just walk away and pretend it never happened. I kissed him... we talked a little more and he told me the pain was gone. He tried to tell me he was thinking of my sister when it went away, but I know the truth. It is me he holds there now. I tried to walk away and he stopped me. He ...

He told me he needed me.

Ra... I can't leave 'Kura. I LOVE him. I do. So why do I have this need to be with RIJ.

O_O...

After all this time.. I think I truly understand Angel's position between Ori and Orifiel. At least partially. She was married to and loved Ori. But she loved Orifiel more and wanted to be with him. But she always said she wished she could have both... I love 'Kura and want to be with him. But I crave RIJ. Need him sometimes. I have to try so hard not to cry out for him. I want them both...

Angel... I am so sorry I never paid that much attention. I had no idea what you were facing. But I do now. And the feeling is terrible. It tears you apart and ... and threatens to kill you when you can't have the ones you want. I know why you have almost quit eating. Why you have grown so thin and weak. All the training Sanura and I have given you, it means nothing to a heart that has lost everything.

I have to take my chances. I will be the one to tell my sister. She needs to hear it from me. And soon. If I am forced to let go, then I will. But I have to tell her.

She deserves to know....

Murder On the Roof...

2006-06-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

(Posted, March 3rd)

.... This... this is a day I want to forget... I could turn back time again, but would it really be worth it? I had a second chance and I screwed up again. I tried so hard. I don't know what it is about him. I can't get enough. I hate that about him. What he can do to me with just a touch, a look. I don't love him. But I definitely want him in so many sinful ways... I close my eyes and I see his face. The way he looked down on me that night. Amazement... wonder.. appreaciation... He treated me like some kind of treasure.... There are times I still feel his lips on mine and I close my eyes to be taken back... I had to stay away from him. I still have to. But I don't want to. I have pictured us picking a fight just to be close in front of the others. The thrill of it all... But I have to stop those thoughts as soon as they come up.

It's Angel's birthday today... SHe came to me after something happened in her own room. She overheard me talking to myself. See, I was worn out and left alone to rest because after... well after first RIJ and then my own husband, I went on a rescue mission with RIJ to save my Aunt. Ra.. he told me I couldn't ignore our relationship forever... what relationship? We don't have a relationship... It was one night.... But Ra what I would give for... *slaps self* Stop that... Laying with him was wrong... so wrong, but so blissful...

Grr... I can't even stay on topic today and I have to.. this is too important... I don't remember how I got home. I remember a fight with Akito while RIJ got my aunt free. Then... nothing but blackness. When I woke up I was on my bed, RIJ sitting beside me... He was kind to me. Caring... for a little while. When my aunt and uncle came in he went back to his "I can't stand her" act... But his eyes told a different story... One only I could see.

Anyway.. Angel came to me to talk. She is heartbroken over Orifiel. She knows he loves her, but it hurts her that she can't get close to him anymore. She treasures their daughter because Oriel is really the only way she can feel close to him. He loves her, but can't get close to her... there is a reason for that- one I will get into later. 'Kura came into the room while she was there and told me RIJ was acting strange. I had to act like I didn't really care- part of me didn't... but still another was curious... and a small part was thrilled at the idea of seeing him again. 'Kura asked me to talk to him, to see what I thought. And I left him alone with Angel. I am glad she had 'Kura with her. I don't think leaving her alone would have been a good thing... She thinks no one knows, but I know of the attempts she has made on her life. I have seen her growing weaker and weaker everyday because of her sadness. Her depression consuming her. She used to love to go to work, to sing and dance... now she would rather lock herself away in her room, brushing Oriel's hair and humming softly to her. I think in the end she had created her own little world in her mind. A world where all her dreams had come true... Her sanity had begun to come into question as far as I was concerened. She could snap at any time.

Anyway- I leave and enter the loungeroom. Almost everyone is there. Father is holding Oriel who was curled up with a cat... not sure where the cat came from... but she had it and looked cute beside it so I let it be... RIJ looked like he was about to bolt from the room. The look on my face didn't help matters much. I made it obvious to everyone I didn't want to be there. Told him 'Kura had sent me. He asked to speak somewhere else and nodded at the kids. It was agreed we would talk in the garden, a public place on the hotel grounds. I made my uncle promise not to follow us. I knew what the topic of our talk would turn to and did not want to take any chances. I gave my uncle a hug when he agreed and then RIJ shocked everyone into silence when he asked for a hug from me as well...

WHAT AN IDIOT!!! I swear! We were supposed to be hiding what had happened nad he wanted me to give a hug in front of everyone to HIM?! I glared at him and grabbed his arm to teleport us out of there. in the garden I let him go. The first time I asked was if he was okay... That was completely out of character for him. Not to mention an act that could get us both into more trouble than we really wanted... He said he was okay.. he just thought he deserved a hug because he was my brother-in-law... now.. that may be true, but we were in laws that were supposed to hate each other... But I can't hate him... I did hug him. I gave in to his embrace and let him hold me. The conversation turned odd on me...

I started to tell him something... See earlier while we were rescuing my aunt, he admitted he was hooked on me. on the things I could do... I was just about to tell him I felt the same about him when he told me he knew I still hated him... The problem with that thought is that I don't hate him. And I told him that. It stopped him. He wasn't expecting that at all. I told him, I don't love him, but I don't hate him. I don't feel the need to kill him whenever we are near each other either. He gave a small laugh at that. He was surprised, but amused...

In the midst of the conversation he told me I changed him. I was floored... well grounded as the case was we were outside... I changed HIM? How can anyone change the unchangeable RIJ? He told me ... he said I was better than my sister... I have to admit.. I have never heard that before. Malik never actually drew comparisons between us... good thing... I was unwilling when he and I were together... Luckily he knows to keep his distance from me now... I proved that I would not be his victim. Even so- RIJ's confession... I wasn't sure how to react to it.

In the end we agreed we just couldn't let on that anything had happened. We also agreed we needed to get back inside before anyone got suspicious. He stopped me again... See I made the mistake of telling him then that he made me feel the same way I made him feel. He really is hooked. He took my arm, but not roughly... just enough to pull me back to him. He asked me if we could do something really quick while we were alone... Now- my mind spun on me. I had heard of quickies... but we were in a public garden lol. I am all for experiencing new things, but I have to draw a line somewhere lol. Instead he pulled me to him even closer and kissed me. Ra the things I wanted to do... I let my mind talk to his instead of breaking the kiss. I told him he was like a drug.

He was startled and pulled back. He was afraid we had started a mindlink. He forgot I, like my Uncle, am a telepath. I can speak to anyone mentally, but only those closest to me can actually respond the same way. I understand his fear if we did develope one. Our problem would become 10 times worse... If we start to get too close...

No NO!! I CAN'T go there!! I just CAN'T!! We left and returned then. I went back to 'Kura and Angel left us. If I had been more paying attention, I would have noticed it when she was kidnapped outside our door. I should have heard her. This stupid problem has really ... stupid and causing more trouble than it needs to. I don't know what happened outside from 'Kura and I having a long talk about things with RIJ and our own family... 'Kura may have forgiven me once.. but would he forgive a second time? Especially knowing this time we knew full well what RIJ and I were doing and with whom this time. There were no masks... We can't hide this.

I was drawn out of the room when Sanura began pounding on Angel's door and calling for Orifiel. I went out and she told me what had happened to Oriel. The poor girl... 3 years old and already gone from this world. It didn't register with me that she should not have died... I went into the room and tried to talk to him but he had shut himself off. I eventually left my sister to talk to him and I went to the loungeroom. Nakia was curled up with RIJ looking at the balcony. Orion was standing near the balcony doors. I went over to the doors and saw a puddle of blood. Looking over I saw my mother looking very pale and weak. My father and Dorian working feverishly to wake Oriel up. But they were too late. The blood pool I found... It was enough to tell me what I needed to know. I told Orion to back up and he started to pull the whol "You aren't my mom" act. RIJ stopped him though. Told him not to become what he was... That stopped me only a moment before I stepped out onto the balcony and looked up. Then I fell to my knees...

RIJ placed Nakia near Orion and she held him back as RIJ came to see what was wrong... I could see her... Angel was looking down at me... but her eyes... They saw nothing. RIJ actually got onto the rooftop before I did. I din't expect this to effect him, but he .. he seemed angry. My Uncle was already there facing Ryuji and Kayura. Kayura told him Ryuji had nothing to do with this so Uncle said he would deal with her then... I just stayed near Angel... Her birthday.. a party had been planned for her. Now she would never get to see it. We would never see the smile on her face again. Her bright blue eyes had lost the flame that once burned there in her soul. I turned her over and held her. She was like a sister to me. A close friend I could never replace. And she was gone. Kayura knew of the way to kill our kind... A dagger to the heart or the neck... Angel's neck had been slashed. Blood was on the rooftop and all over Kayura. My holding her also got her blood on me. I didn't care. All I cared about was vengeance. I wanted the killer to fry. I wanted to be the one to fry her.

My uncle couldn't do it. But that wouldn't stop me. Ori appeared. Apparently his master sent him to take Kayura's life, but he couldn't do it either. Orifiel joined us not long after but ... He stared at Angel. he wanted to go to her, but he couldn't. We soon learned why. It was because Ori didn't want to. Even though Orifiel has his own body, he is still ruled in part by Ori's wishes. It is why he could never be with Angel as he wanted. It was why he wanted Kayura. As long as he and Ori were still connected...Orifiel would never be free. But with Angel and Oriel's death... It won't be much longer before Orifiel can be with her without any problems... a dead man can do pretty much anything he wants... Including be with the one he wants to be with... If Orifiel does die because of this.. He could just grow very weak and remain that way.

Things kept going bad to worse. Ori brought up the incident between RIJ and me. He threatened to expose us no matter how much we denied it. He said he knew everything. He wanted us to bring Sanura up and 'Kura too. He said he could bring Angel back if we told them everything. But RIJ and I... we can't... we can't do that. RIJ brought Orion back to life. He said he could bring Angel back too, but it would require blood. I begged him to take mine and Mother's, anything to get away from Ori's blackmail... But then I was shocked silent a moment. This conversation about bringing her back to life.. was completely mental. He had mindlinked to me... We had indeed become too close... This is only going to complicate things farther...

Ori did leave to get my sister... RIJ stood in fear, Orifiel shocked still and all I had in my mind was vengeance for Angel's death as well as the damage Ori was about to cause. There was only one way. Take the new love of Ori's out of his life. So Kayura and I had a battle. She was ready to fight again. I just wanted her blood to spill. She isn't the only one who knows how to kill our own kind... By the time Ori had returned, the deed had been done...

Funny, he said nothing about my bloodsoaked appearance. Neither did my Uncle, RIJ, or Orifiel... Kind of hard to stay clean when you are dealing with a thrashed throat. Ori never once said a word... But he did bring 'Kura up to the conversation about RIJ and me. Not sure how we are getting out of this mess... But At least I have avenged Angel's death.. what happens between 'Kura, me, RIJ, and Sanura though...

That is still to be decided...

Desert Rose

2006-06-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Feb. 26th, 2006)

It is the song that is stuck in my head right now. I will have to explain later though. First, it seems teh spell Sanura and I had been working on was a success. He looks like his old self and seems to be acting like his old self as well. I guess only time will tell how he works things with Angel and Oriel. I know with Ori coming around, that won't be an easy task. I do hope they are able to get things worked out. They are so good together and they make such a happy family too. Especially now that Orifiel and Oriel seem to look somewhat alike. It helps to get rid of her confusion....

As for me...

Desert rose...

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams that tie two hearts that will never die
And near the flames
The shadows play in the shape of the man's desire

This desert rose
Whose shadow bears the secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume that would torture you more than this
~~~~~~~~

That is what goes through my head over and over again. I fear I have made a mistake. One that I swore would never happen again. All I wanted was to get my daughter a glass of water. My nerves were spent and I was ready to go to bed. I was about to leave the kitchen when I dropped the glass. I watched it shatter on the floor. When I went to clean it up I sliced my finger. I have never been this clumsy before. I know why I am like this... It's because of HIM.... He came to check on me. To make sure I was okay. Then there was this earthquake and we ended up together on the floor. There was a slight struggle and somehow he kissed me. Things spiraled out of control from there. I tried to fight it- but I couldn't. My body wouldn't let me. I had given in to him with hardly a fight at all.

He spirited us away to a room down the hall from my parents' penthouse. There we... I get warm just thinking about it. He was almost better than I remembered. He was careful, rough, yet gentle. I tried not to... I didn't want to... but the power he had over me... Touching all the right spots, kissing just the way I wanted and needed to be kissed... It had been too long since 'Kura had done anything like that... It had been a long time since we had been close... I needed this more than he could have ever known.... He made me shiver, and shudder, and tremble.... and in the end he got what I knew he wanted... To know that I knew who was making me feel this way... making me feel alive once again.... In the throes of passion I could not hold back- I cried out his name......

I waited until I knew he was asleep before I attempted to climb out of bed. Glancing at the mirror I knew I could not return looking like I was. Way too many questions would have been raised. Questions I did not want to answer. Probably never will want to answer... So I quickly jumped into the shower and tried to wash away what had happened. But even I know it had been too late. The doors of hell had opened. And I willingly walked through them. I never should have let myself fall. Both our families are at stake... I should have been stronger... Carpe Diem.... Live for the moment... Yeah- well that guy who created that phrase needs to be here in my shoes now... I dried off my hair and got back into my nightgown, then stupid me cast one last glance down at him.

I wondered if he would remember the scent of my perfume after this... what it would do to him... Would it do anything at all? *shrug* I should not be thinking these things...

I still remember what I told him before I left as I brushed a few strands of his sweat-coated hair away from his face- you know he really is rather peaceful when he sleeps...

"I don't know what will come of this. If this is going to happen again, or if you are satisfied in knowing what you wanted to know now. But know I won't forget this... Goodbye..."

I kissed my fingertips and placed them lightly on his forehead before disappearing to return to the penthouse. I had to make it look like I had never left so I appeared in the bathroom, retrieved the first aide kit that was there, and readied myself to face whoever may have found the mess we had left in the kitchen before we had disappeared.

I came face to face with my daughter.... and my husband.

And so begins the web of lies I must weave, if only to protect them all from the truth.

How I managed to be so calm while I stood before him I will never know...

"Are you alright?"

"I am fine,'Kura. I broke the glass in the Earthquake and cut my finger, that is all," I was able to tell him truthfully with a smile. It was the truth. I just could not tell what happened after. I can never tell. He loves me so much, but this act...

I am afraid....

What would he do if.... If he ever found out?

I have made up my mind once and for all. It will never happen again. Never again. 'Kura is my husband. I have a beauitful family. I am grateful and will not lose that over a stupid affair. I can never let on. Never tell him. Never let it happen again.

But will it be enough?

Will it all ever just be enough... Ra.. I know I must suffer for my sin... But please... spare my family... the twins... Sweet sweet 'Kura... Don't let them suffer because of me... As far as anyone knows... It never happened...

And that is the way it will stay...

Time Has Come...

2006-06-18T17:06:00.001-07:00

(Posted, feb. 25th, 2006)

For 3 years I have kept silent. But today RIJ forced my hand. I had to reveal that I had turned back time 3 years ago to change the outcome of a few events. RIJ is really reacting harshly to it...

I have to admit. He thought all this time it was a dream. And I in a fit of fury told him he wasnt any good when even my blog betrays my true feelings... I remember all to well how things went. The feel of his touch, the taste of his lips... There were several nights I have had to stop myself from calling his name when.... *hangs head* But he would never believe me.... Not that I want to tell him... or do I... Would we really give in to our guilty desire? The sin of our lust? And would it end at one time? Or would it continue... Would we be able to stop ourselves after one time?

I love 'Kura, and I hate myself for these feelings. For if we act, we would be putting our famlies in jeopardy. The love and bonds.. the fights we have gone through to make it where we are. Until now there has never been one single threat to our marriage. Until now 'Kura and I have always been strong. But I guess I am weaker than I thought. 'Kura loves me so much, he hardly reacted to this announcement. He was actually more watchful of RIJ's reaction to it. he said that RIJ was hiding something...

I will deal with that later. Sanura says she is ready. Tonight we get Orifiel to come back to the old house with us. There is a hidden room there that Sanura and I have been spending a great deal of time at secretly at work. We think it is something Orifiel would be interested in... I mean- why wouldn't he want the chance to look like his old self again...

We are doing this for Angel and Oriel... This has to be done... Before things go too far... and he does something he will forever regret... like RIJ and I did...

Shock

2006-06-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Feb. 18th, 2006)

The twins are more powerful than we ever thought. They banned together with Orion to nearly kill Ori. If it weren't for my sister, his blood would have been on their hands. But why would they do such a thing? Why? I just don't understand. I do know they show a power that is greater than our own.

Blasted Ori deserves to die though. He has messed with everyone so badly. Bakura and I are barely hanging on to prove that our marriage can sustain whatever he is trying to throw at us. Poor Angel though. She is being hit with so much. He is claiming that Orifiel is only using her. That she is a toy only for his pleasure. Orifiel has tried to tell her that wasn't so, but he hesitates which has Angel feeling even more confused. She stands in the way now of Ori's plan. She could kill him, or she could let him go free. Or she could kill herself....

Which was her intention at one point. Her heart has betrayed her. She chose to end her marriage because she had fallen for Orifiel. But if he never returns her feelings, she has betrayed everything she has ever stood for and I fear she cannot live with that knowledge. Not just cannot... she WILL not live knowing this...

Orifiel has a decision to make- and it is one I don't think he can make. Was her choice in vain? Did she choose him only to set her path to her own destruction? I fear it. I really do. Her head is so full of Ori's words she no longer knows what is truth and what is fiction. This is bad. very bad. And it will only get worse I fear...

I'm the only one...

2006-06-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

(Posted Feb. 12th, 2006)

I am the only one who knows what is going on... Or at least what DID go on...

Things went real bad real fast. 'Kura did forgive me for what I had done, that is very true. But my sister could not. She quit talking to me. And what was worse, RIJ kept coming around. He kept getting to close... baiting me.

And I was afraid I was going to take the bait. So I searched through one of my sister's spellbooks while she was downstairs tending to a fight that had broke out between Ori, Angel and Orifiel... I found a spell that would allow me to turn back the hands of time. RIJ kept asking if I wanted to turn back time. To chance it all again. He asked if I was certain it wouldn't happen again... My sister once said that things are meant to happen. If someone messes with time, then the events will happen anyway under different circumstances.

That was before she attacked me. Before both their son and my twins were taken. Before Ori and Angel found themselves laying on the sidewalk with fatal wounds...

During the battle, there was no getting through to her. I had to choice but to try something. Anything... So I did the spell... Time turned back to when we were at the mall... There were a few small changes- but so far I am the only one who knows what happened.

Almost...

Back at the penthouse there was a flash of Deja vu when RIJ and Malik began their talk about me again. RIJ took my chin in his hand again... I had to fight so hard... He has NO idea how much of a struggle it was for me... It grew worse when he ordered everyone out of the room so he and I could talk alone. I told him then we could never be alone. I warned him of the danger... There is still... an attraction... It is a lust between us.

Ra help me, my body craves his touch... The things he could do... *shakes head* NO!!!

NO NO NO!!

*takes a breath* I have to forget.... I NEED to forget.... Time is different now... It never happened in this time... I only have a memeory of what did happen once but not again. I have to remember it has never happened this time...

Which leads to other changes... RIJ never went down to the party this time. Sanura did... And Ori. Angel performed a couple of songs... Then disappeared from what I can gather. There was this fight and she was taken again.. Mother and Father, UNcle and Ori all went out after her. The rest of us stayed behind as extra protection for the children.

My Uncle returned really ticked off... Seems Ori got himself captured as well... And then while I was checking on the twins I felt Mother and Father's presence disappear. Something bad has happened... All we can do is sit and wait to see what came as a result...

He Must Really Love Me...

2006-06-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Feb. 3rd, 2006)

'Kura really is the best man in the world for me. He didn't have to stick up for me. He didn't have to stay... He waited for me and did not reject me. Though.. we are still in front of everyone too... I have no idea how things will be when we are alone. Will he be able to touch me? Will he be able to bring himself to make love to the one who was touched by another man... one who was once his friend...?

Nakia came out to us and said she had a bad dream. She kept asking if 'Kura and I loved each other. If we were going to still be together.

She is a lot more knowledgeable about things than we thought. She has to have my gift of foresite... It's the only reasoning I can think of. I didn't know what to tell her. She kept giving me these odd looks. Finally 'Kura spoke up. He told her we made too many promises to each other and we wouldn't be breaking them. He assured her that we still loved each other and we wouldn't be going anywhere.

His words seemed to bring her some kind of peace for now. He allowed me to hold his hand. He even kissed me.

Maybe things really will be alright. As long as I am careful not to let RIJ near me when we are alone. Better yet- try once again not to be left alone in the same room with him... Please Ra help me be strong. Help me prove to 'Kura and Nakia that I will never stray again... Not that I had meant for it the first time... grrr... this is just one huge mess...

How one night of gloriousness can turn into such a nightmare... *sigh*

RIJ will never know how I felt about it. I will not tell him. It will be a secret I will forever carry within me. He hates me enough that I know he won't be reading my blog about this... And though I venture in to read his.. I never comment... At least I haven't in months... I don't intend to start now... The last thing I need is for him to think I want something when I don't...

Sad Truths...

2006-06-18T17:02:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Feb. 2nd, 2006)

I still can't get over what happened. I can't get myself to let it go. I ruined myself. My reputation. 'Kura is quiet... I know he is still bothered by it but he is willing to let it go and pretend it didn't happen. Which is just great. Except it is always at the back of my head...

And then Ori made me realize why...

He asked me what I thought of it. If I enjoyed it... I can deny it to everyone all I want but even Ori can see the truth. I did enjoy it. More than I want to admit to. He was good... no... beyond great... But that is just because of his history no doubt. He had to be good to get the kind of clientelle he had. A person doesn't pay top dollar for minimal pleasure... Ori keeps asking me if it will happen again. I tell him I can't allow it to. But he says I can't control RIJ. If RIJ liked it enough to want more...

Ori says he would be willing to tempt fate and possibly ruin his marriage just to come back for more as long as Sanura could remain in the dark. So I can't allow myself to be alone with him. I just can't.

Yet, I fail at that again. Sanura came in and refused to speak to me while she was getting a bottle for Orion. I am guessing she and RIJ patched things up but I don't know the extent of the damage done. They have really been through so much. Ori left to ask her for something. I am not sure what. My Uncle came in though and I begged for his forgiveness as well for ruining the family honor. He told me that it would be okay. That he understood that we didn't know who we were with. RIJ entered the kitchen then. 'Kura was still out in the livingroom wiht the others. When my mother called my Uncle away I found myself trapped in the kitchen with RIJ.

He was drinking... and he approached me. He didn't seem to understand why I kept trying to get away from him. My body continued to shiver at his memory. I told him I was only cold when he asked what was wrong. He tried to give me his jacket and I refused...

Then he hugged me... tight... and close... The feel of his arms around me again... The smell of him... Ra... I wanted him again... But I don't love him... I can hardly bring myself to LIKE him for my sister's sake... I just wanted him beyond reason. I can't explain it. What scares me is what he told me... He was impressed with me... He said I wasn't that bad. He had this weird look in his eye and when I slipped while trying to get away he caught me...

He... he was ... kind ... to me. Gentle...

He is NEVER gentle to me...

RA... I need help. I need the strength to keep him at a distance. The strength to refuse him. I absolutely MUST remain faithful to 'Kura from now on. I love him too much to throw what we have away.

And if RIJ truly loves my sister... He will keep his distance from me as well...

Honor is gone...

2006-06-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Jan. 31st, 2006)

I can't believe this happend!! I just full on can't believe it!! Of ALL things that could have happened at this balsted party. I KNEW I shouldn't have gone. I just KNEW it. All those mask and all the mystery. I thought I picked my 'Kura out of the crowd. I thought I found him. We hadn't really had a lot of time alone since teh twins were born and we were feeling a little ... active, to say at the moment. So we slip away and things are just... Awesome, wonderful, amazing. I mean 'Kura has always been able to keep me pleased and excited. He has always been so good at what he does, but this night he was at the top of his game. He did things I didn't think could be done. Did things I didn't even know he could do...

Then I learned the truth...

I hear something fall to the floor and then my sister's cry. Turns out I wasn't with 'Kura after all... -_-"

How on earth I couldn't tell RIJ from 'Kura is beyond me. Even with the dyed hair, I should have known... But I didn't. Now for those just catching up... We had left our masks on for Role Play bedroom fun... RIJ and I... hate each other to say the least.. yet there we were.... having one of the best nights of sex we have had in a while... both thinking we were with our own spouses... And both being completely wrong...

After getting caught, We were left alone for a little while. We both got dressed and left. RIJ left to get Orion and Sanura disappeared onto the balcony. Malika nd Sapphira left the room and it was just 'Kura and me. I was about to speak and beg for forgiveness when he startled me by apologizing. I asked him why and he came clean and told me that he and Sanura had kissed back at the party... He was hitting himself for THAT!?! I SLEPT with another MAN! If anyone should be begging for forgivness it was ME! And beg I did.

He surprised me when he forgave me so easily. But that doesn't mean that I have forgiven myself. If my sister's marriage fails now because of this...

It had better work out... It just had better.

'Kura is asking for help getting the temporary black hair dye out of his hair. So I will go now. Please Ra and all gods and goddesses of love and marriage... please work your magic and help my sister and RIJ... They will need it...

Party Time

2006-06-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Jan. 28th, 2006)

Yup, that's right... And well desereved.

After everything that has happened, we need a break.

Guess to say that Angel was killed then revived would be a shock... But it's true. Even more of a shocker is that Ori is the one who killed her. She is an immortal now. And still expecting... seems the strongest of the twins she was carrying managed to survive the blood loss and will be alright. Ori doesn't know this yet.

Angel is acting a little out of it though. She ... Doesn't remember some things. I think that was done on purpose though. There are some things I am better she would have been better not remembering. I still see a problem with Orifiel looming on the horizon. When they met up earlier today, she recognized him and .. was more than a little nervous. But it was as if he didn't reognize her. Which wouldn't surprise me.

Her body changed when she made the transformation from mortality to Immortality. Her body became more toned and lithe, her hiar even changed. Where it was once a red-gold blond, she has streaks of rose color stripped in it now. I have to admit- she was always a beautiful woman before.. but Ori better hold on to her tightly now... She could really draw in a crowd. We have even discussed going to the gym together to keep up the muscle tone and strength. I am looking forward to that actually.

As for me... RIJ actually came on to me... Talk about a shock. 'Kura was steamed. Malik was egging him on... Then RIJ actually asked me what I thought it would have been like if he and I had been together instead of me with Bakura and he with my sister... I told him we probably would have killed each other and that he couldn't handle me...

"Aww, ouch. Are you sure it wouldn't be the other way around?"

I was floored. I froze when he put his arm around me. I thought my heart stopped when he lifted my chin... I swear I would have died right then if he kissed me... And 'Kura would have been absolutely livid... I don't know what sparked that form RIJ but Sanura didn't stick around to listen to the following conversation about RIJ's past... She came back in on the end though when he said that she was better than any of his customers had ever been... Makes me wonder just how many he has really been with... Malik sure seemed to know- but I am not going to him for an answer.

Mother and Father are having their annual Masqurade Party. Everyone in costume to give that Air of mystery. Should be interesting... I have the feeling things will be happening that will alter a lot of lives... Partners will be changed, temptations will be raised... I fear that somehow RIJ may get his wish to find out the answer to his question if we somehow end up in a paired situation. With everyone wearing masks and now 4 of us with red in our hair... It could be easy to mistake us. As much fun as this could be, I fear it as well. The question will be how will everyone handle who they are with and what happens as a result when the masks come off and the partners are revealed...

More Surprises

2006-06-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Jan. 25th, 2006)

It didn't take us too long to find Angel.. Or rather my mother found her I guess and then they ran into Ori... Ori was acting really jumpy though. Like he had gotten caught doing something he shouldn't have. Knowing him- who knows.. He was the one to meet up with us after the circus with passion pink lipstick all over his face... the flustered look tells me something went on that he wasn't sure if he liked or not... I am guessing he liked... but remembered Angel and stopped whatever it was he was in the middle of... I hope that is the case.. especially now.

Seems Angel and Ori will be a family... My mother insists on one child.. but my latest visions have shown 2. The perfect family of a on and a daughter. But these will come wit a price. One of them has the strength and power of Orifiel... meaning he is the father of at least one of them... Ori is not going to handle that well at all. I am certain. Neither one of them like to share. But each having a child with the same woman... They have to- unless Orifiel ditches his responsibilities... Which he just might.

Orifiel is dating Vanessa now... Angel struggles with this though she is the one who set them up. Part of her still wishes she could have both Ori and Orifiel again. But she is not a selfish person. So she has let Orifiel go even though it pains her heart- especially knowing that he is partly the father of her child... She is still assuming that there is only one. I see trouble looming. I see Orifiel and Angel acting on their feelings one day... Unless they continue to be strong. As long as he is with Vanessa she keeps her distance so she doesn't have to see it. It is better for her. The temptation isn't as great.

I wish her luck... the triangle formed between Ori, Angel, and Orifiel one is a violitile one sure to explode... But who will survive...

MI Vida Loca

2006-06-18T16:38:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Jan 23rd, 2006)

Things are really strange... Angel and I were both kidnapped... I don't know what they wanted Angel for because they separated us and she hasn't spoken much of the incident since we have returned home. They wanted a ransom for me... Lucky I got loose before anything could really happen. I am just waiting for that Akito guy to return. He spells trouble with a capital "T".

It's strange seeing Orifiel in his new body... It's strange seeing him outside of Ori... But I think the problem is if he sticks around. Ori is very much beyond ticked with his darker half right now. It was made worse when talk began of the other things he had done to Angel when Ori was not around to stop him.

The problem is I think Angel is bothered by having them in separate bodies... When asked, she circles the answer, not really being clear about it, or flat out changes the subject. She also still has no clue about her condition... Oddly I don't see her and Ori having a family quite so soon... It is possible that this child was not meant to be... Only time will tell on that...

Well Cayden wanted to go to the circus so we are off... Lights, and tigers, and elephants, oh my! ^_^ I shall return with more to tell I can just feel it... Angel is not done being toyed with by the gods... They will be testing her... But can she pass is the question...

...

2006-06-18T16:35:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Jan. 17th, 2006)

Just making a quick entry here...

Well I will try.

So many things have happened and there is really too much to cover. All I know is that my sister has gone into hiding and RIJ is with her and their son. For some reaosn Trixie and Rebecca are really wanting Orion and I am afraid to learn why. As much as I miss them, I want them safe.

Speaking of safe... Ori is lucky I leanred more about what was going on... I sensed Angel in trouble. In pain actually. I found where his house is thanks to my uncle and I went there. When I got there he kept saying I couldn't be with him till Sunday. That I was his "Sunday girl"... now.. after him grabbing me back at my home, this was NOT what I wanted to hear. He wouldn't let me in the house. So I broke the door down...

When I found Angel.... She looked horrible the poor thing. She was beaten and bruised and bloody. Her face ... I couldn't recognize her. I saw her nightgown on the floor, torn and destroyed. I was ready to turn on Ori right then and there. Angel is a HUMAN girl. Not immortal like the rest of us.

At least not yet....

I don't know if she has noticed anything but I felt it in her when I healed her wounds after learning they were from a beating she had taken at the hands of a kidnapper. Anyway.. there is something in her that has changed. It is true that an immortal being can sense another immortal being. Or at least a half immortal being. Something needs to happen to trigger it for her to be completely immortal... But what the trigger is I don't know.

Then I learned more about Ori's darker half. Orifiel...

I hate to say this, but I have had another vision... He is going to be the key factor into whether or not she gains complete immortality. Something he does will seal her fate... One way or another. The question is will Ori let himself remain with Orifiel long enough for that to happen...

See- he wants desperately to be separated from his other half. But if that happens... Will he remain immortal? Will he remain a yami? And how will things change if Orifiel is allowed free...?

INsanity

2006-06-18T16:32:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Jan. 10th, 2006)

Insanity is definitely what describes this life... this family...

Malik brought his girlfriend... a friend of mine named Miranda, over tonight... after the chaos had calmed down- at least we thought it had anyway.... She made eyes at Ori and Malik cautioned her about staying good... I seriously thing it isn't Miranda he needs to worry about. I grow concerned about Ori. I can't help but wonder if he is as committed to Angel as he wants everyone to believe.

When Nakia and Cayden came screaming down the stairs about a burned lady in their room I went up to check.. and he went with me. Uncle Atemu following and Bakura last... But before Bakura arrived I was searching through the closet when something grabbed me and tried to drag me in. Ori grabbed me around the waist and tried to yank me back. I was suddenly let go and he had been pulling with such force that we went falling backward. He seemed to enjoy having me on top of him... He did say he would have enjoyed it more had we both not been married...

He seems to like getting free grabs of the woman around here... I just hope Angel never finds out.. or if she does, she can handle it.

The thing is when it was talked about earlier, Ori acted as though it never happened. Or he didn't remember it happening. There was another incident in the house that I know my mother mentioned in her blog. I remember when Téa showed up, Ori seemed to begin to freak out and Angel was scared. Suddenly, Ori seemed calm... in control. I heard him ask her what was wrong. She pointed to the ghost and he stayed right by her. She had at one point passed out in the shock and fear of everything. When she started to come to- she was incoherent. Just rambling... She said something about not Ori... but Orifiel... and not hating him. Ori seemed to freeze beside me. She said that Orifiel had pretty eyes, was kind and safe.... He didn't seem to know how to take those words. He actually seemed to be fighting them. I could tell by the look on his face he was using a mental link to talk to someone... I am guessing he and Angel have one like Bakura and I do. They spoke silently for a little while and he looked up at me as if something Angel had said had shocked him.

Not long after that I saw her try to stand- even keeping a hand out to keep him at a small distance as if to show him she didn't need his help or something. They walked in a completely different direction from the house. The house is where I went so I could check on 'Kura and the twins...

I don't know what is up with Ori... But I am certain to find out. If only to make sure Angel stays safe...

An old game...

2006-06-18T16:31:00.000-07:00

(Posted Jan. 6th, 2006)

Truth Or Dare....

A game with so many risks...

And yet so many options. Ori learned something about Angel, Sanura and RIJ learned soemthing about each other... and I got to see 'Kura dressed up as a Pharaoh lol. But we ended up forced from the room when things heated up between Ori and Angel... I am guessing things are better between them because in the end he couldn't keep his hands off her. Reminds me of the old days with me and 'Kura. I hope they have fun lol. Now it's becoming a guessing game to know when it will be safe to go back into the livingroom....

Interesting twist

2006-06-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

(posted, Jan. 5th, 2006)

Seems more happened than I thought during the time Cayden and the others were kidnapped. Mother is busy now, going through all her books and holding secret meetings with Father, Natara, Sapphira, Dorian and Bryant. They are up to something and the look on Mother's face tells me it is important. Something dealing with Angel. I had no idea that she was forced into doing something she didn't want.

That sounds very wrong...

It wasn't a sexual thing that was forced on her.. That honor went to the darker half of her husband when Ori had no control... But we aren't talking about him. Apparently, their opponent had been a man named Damon. I met him once, briefly years ago. Sanura knows him too- but she can't remember...

I wonder if she will ever remember what happened after Kiza's death... There is like a whole year missing to her...

Anyway- Damon.. he was a vampire. He forced Angel to drink his blood before everyone arrived. Later he drank hers till she was almost dead. I would have thought that meant he drank some of his own by doing so. Sanura says yes, and that is why she didn't turn... it is a long and complicated thing. Basically Damon screwed up if he was wanting something permanate.

Mother just asked fro Sanura's spell books. RIJ was busy so Sanura left to go to where ever she keeps them... There was one in particualr that Mother wanted. SAnura can't do much to help when RIJ is around. Unless he has changed, but I doubt it too much. Though he has been awefully quiet. I am respecting him enough to stay out of his mind though... Seems he has had more than enough with mind links and would rather be left alone. I don't blame him...

Mother is calling for me now. We have to gather Angel and get her prepared before sunset. Which will be soon. Angel looks pale and scared. Ori... is distant. I am not so sure he took the news very well when she told him. hopefully this ritual Mother found will work...

Safe

2006-06-18T16:28:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Jan. 1st, 2005)

I cannot even begin to describe the relief I feel right now. I was terrorfied that I would never see my children and then even my husband, again. While my father comforted me, I heard Cayden's voice. I thought I was dreamng but when I turned around, there he was. I don't think I have ever held him as tightly as I did just then. And even better Nakia came to me next. I asked them where thier father was and she led me to the kitchen.

I should have known really, lol.

I was just really happy to have my family back. You can bet my New Year's Resolution is to never take my family for granted again....

Gone

2006-06-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Dec. 31st, 2005)

The fates are cruel cruel creatures...

I have a gift for a reason. but today it failed me.

Cayden was kidnapped today. I went looking for him as he was even quieter than usual. I went ot his room and found th door to the balcony in his rom standing open. There ws a special kind of wire only my sister and RIJ are familar with, and then I looked at the wall....

and screamed...

There pinned to the wall with a dagger was a note. Apparently Orion was the origianl target but he stayed with RIJ most the day. So Cayden was taken instead.

I can't find Nakia.

I pray she wasn't taken too.

Sanura and Bakura have gone off after Cayden. I have a pretty good idea where they went. I will be not far behind them as soon as I know that Nakia is safe...

Real Quick

2006-06-18T16:24:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Dec. 29th, 2005)

Major trouble ahead. My visions are becoming really confusing... I see some terrible and vicious things happening that I hope we are able to stop them. I see Angel in danger... I see that she has been in danger for a little while now... If only I had heeded my warnings sooner. Perhaps things would be different.

Sanura... went from RIJ's kitten to his puppy. It kind of disgusts me that she has resorted to this in order to please him. I bet with his grudge against our family, he is REALLY enjoying this control over her though.

But this is her choice. I can't fight her battles. She isn't asking for help. Normally, like Uncle Atemu, I would step in and try to reason with RIJ, but like Dark Ori- there is NO reasoning with him. I wonder if RIJ realizes just how much in common he has with the darker side of his brother after all...

Nakia is somewhere in the house again... I don't know how to teach her right form wrong wiht 'Kura encouraging her with her extracuricular activities... Cayden... still won't speak. He looks so sad... I wish I could help him. My sister is his yami... but because if RIJ- she can't even help her own hikari. I can't imagine a Yami who feels no sense of protection to his hikari. Just what made RIJ a yami to begin with anyway? It doesn't make sense...

Anyway- time will tell... I just hope Angel can guard herself against Dark Ori... The first time they were "together" after the wedding she THOUGHT it was Ori- but it turns out it wasn't. It was Dark Ori. The second time... Let's just say she wasn't exactly a willing partner... but she didnt' have much of a choice. He is a part of her husband after all... She married him when she married Ori at the same time... I remember what Sapphira told me men were like in ancient times... Dark Ori would fit in perfectly. Take their wives whenever, however, wherever. It did not matter. And the wife did not have to be willing. Just accessible...

She knows she must accept both sides of him and she is trying.

But how can you accept someone who scares you to death?

Someone who could easily kill you whenever he wanted...

Which leave a stronger question.

Why is he so strongly bent against her? And why did he allow Ori to marry her if he felt this way?

And just how much time does Angel have now that Dark Ori is free....?

Merry Christmas...

2006-06-18T16:19:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Dec. 25th, 2005)

Yup- from my family to yours!
A special treat cooked up for Bakura, RIJ, Ori, And Atem by Sanura, Aurora, Angel and myself. A Karaoke performance ^_^

Britney Spears Lyrics
My Only Wish This Year Lyrics

Angel:
Oh yeah yeah
Last night I took a walk in the snow.
Couples holding hands, places to go.
Seems like everyone but me is in love.
Santa can you hear me?
I signed my letter that I sealed with a kiss.
I sent it off.
It just said this.
I know exactly what I want this year.
Santa can you hear me?

I want my baby

others:(baby, yeah)

Angel:
I want someone to love me
Someone to hold me.
Maybe

others:(maybe, maybe maybe.)

Angel:
He'll be all my own in a big red bow.

All:
Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing.
Tell me my true love is near.
He's all I want, just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree.
I'll be waiting here.
Santa that's my only wish this year.

Aurora:
oohhh ohh yeah

Sanura:
Christmas Eve I just can't sleep.
Would I be wrong for taking a peek?
Cause I heard that your coming to town.
Santa can you hear me?

others:(yea yeah)

Zahara:
Really hope that your on your way
With something special for me in your sleigh
Ohh please make my wish come true.
Santa can you hear me.
I want my baby

others:(baby)

Sanura & Zahara:
I want someone to love me
Someone to hold me.
Maybe

others:(maybe maybe)

All:
We'll be all alone under the mistletoe.
Santa can you hear me.
I have been so good this year.
And all I want is one thing.
Tell me my true love is near.
He's all I want just for me.
Underneath my Christmas tree.
I'll be waiting here.
Santa that's my only wish this year.

Aurora& Sanura:
I hope my letter reaches you in time.

Angel: (Oh yeah)

Sanura & Zahara:
Bring me love I can call all mine

Aurora & Angel:(yeah yeah)

Aurora: Cause I have been so good so good this year...

All:
Can't be alone under the mistletoe.
He's all want in a big red bow.
Santa can you hear me?

Zahara: (hear me?)

All:
I have been so good this year.
And all I want is one thing.
Tell me my true love is near.
He's all I want.
Just for me.
Underneath my Christmas tree.
I'll be waiting here .

Zahara & Sanura:(ohh yeah)

All:
Santa thats my only wish this year.
Oh Santa can you hear me?
Oh Santa

Angel & Sanura:
Well he's all I want just for me
Underneath my Christmas tree.

Aurora & Zahara:
Oh I'll be waiting here
Santa That's my only wish this year.

All:
Oh, Santa that's my only wish this year.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With that done lol- Angel and ORi's wedding has to top mine and Bakura's. Some strange things kept happening. We were beginning to think it wouldn't happen at all...
Finally my father got Angel down the aisle and gave her hand to Ori. They were at the part where they were to exchange vows when we all heard someone saying "Ho Ho ho!" Low and behold, my OWN husband showed up dressed as Santa with my uncle dressed as an elf. As embarrassing as it might have been for them- it was hilarious and they pulled it off very nicely XD. I am tempted to steal the Santa hat off 'Kura's head and wear it myself, but he can't let me do that- something about a deal made with RIJ.

It is odd having him back around the house again. But as long as my sister is happy, he can be accepted. He was always... well... I can't say always accepted... He was before he and I had our fight... and considering how things were, he was still accepted after he was released from that stone... Anyway- I haven't seen Sanura more happy. She has a spring to her step again.

Should be interesting once again to see how things work out.

Odd things...

2006-06-18T16:17:00.000-07:00

(posted, Dec. 22nd, 2005)

Something is definitely going on... I just have to figure out just what.

It is nice to see Ori and Angel getting along so well. I know how hard it can be to be involved with a yami. But he seems to be treating her well. My mother is happy about that.

Part of me is waiting to get back home. Though it will never really feel like home again. RIJ is gone. And now so is Sanura. Ori and Angel are trying to keep thier promise, but they must have forgotten about teh visions mother and I get. We know...

We know Sanura is with him again.

We just hope this time they will be okay...

Setting the Record Straight

2006-06-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

(Posted Dec. 17th, 2005)

Well hopefully the media will back off.

Sanura and Marik made a public appearance last night in a press conference. She explained as best she could that she was married and not to Marik. She never said anything about divorce, just separation. She explained her child with RIJ. She really upheld the proper royal aura actually. We - her family- were very proud of how she handled herself considering how angry she was... I admit I expected a lot worse. But she was noble. She was humble. She held her tears in check. They moistened her eyes, but never once fell. She lept her head held high. The picture of strength in the face of so much darkness.

We are all falling into our roles in the family. Bakura and I will be gathering collections for charity benefits.. which should be interesting to see how he handles this... So much money in jars and bins and he won't be able to have any of it ^_^. Talk about temptation.

Well, Nakia and Cayden are starting to learn a few more things- their speech is getting clearer and clearer everyday. We are thinking of bringing them out for a first time public appearance as well during one of our collections. A chance for him to show off what makes him so proud to be a family man lol. I am looking forward to it.

Well time to get ready...

sigh

2006-06-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Dec. 16th, 2005)

Orion is once again in my care. He has been passed around all night. I feel so bad for the kid. My sister used to have such a level head on her shoulders... I just hope she knows what she is doing, because none of us sure do...

Looks like this will be a working vacation for Mother and Father while we are here. Pegasus has a few functions he cannot attend here in Vegas and has asked Mother to go in his place. Meaning my father will be there- which will cause a stir. No one can go anywhere with the King of Games and hope to keep a low profile. Ori learned that when we first arrived to Vegas. I was wondering how he would handle it lol. He did pretty well. Sanura didn't appreciate the coverage though. The reporters apparently thought she and Marik were married and kept asking question about it. She finally told them she wasn't married to him. But the tabloids are already coming out. I saw them...

Battle City Runner up is runner up in marriage as well

Marik Ishtar: Marriage to be found under sands of Egypt

Daughter of the King of Games, loses at love

Child of Marik and Sanura Ishtar torn during separation...

*sigh* These people need to get their facts straight. Father is bound to see these... He is NOT going to be happy. Neither is Uncle for that matter... And Sanura... She is already off-balance at teh moment. I would hate for her to see these... This is just the beginning... Marik has been answering phones all day from reporters. He finally hired a spokesperson to speak for him and Sanura will probably do the same when she gets home. Marik and Father have been asked to go on TV for some Entertainment Tonight show that loves to gossip about the stars... The title of the episode? I have to laugh...

Formal Rivals turned in-laws

It may not be true in Marik's case, but it is certainly true for Father and 'Kura ^_^. But the paper's don't see that. The battle's between 'Kura and Father were never really broadcasted except in the semi-finals of Battle City...

Sanura... where ever you are- don't look at any of the newspapers around you... You won't like what you see.. And come home safe. Don't do anything you will later regret...

Gone...

2006-06-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Dec. 13th, 2005)

Sanura is gone....

Or is she...

I guess that is the question. Mother, Father, and Uncle Atemu don't seem to believe Blue and Ori... Makes me wonder how this will work. If RIJ and Sanura are alive.. that would mean Ori lied to Angel... She may not take to well at knowing that... Then again.. she is stronger than we all have given her credit for- something Mother must have helped her with after all this time... Only time will tell...

I can hear a baby cry in my dreams. But it is not mine...

Something bad is going to happen...

Saddness...

2006-06-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Dec. 10th, 2005)

Things are not good at home.

Sanura lost her child. RIJ was killed. And then Sanura took her own life.

At least that is what we are meant to believe...
Something about the whole set up has a few of us wondering if Uncle Atemu is right about something not being right. It could be denial. But even Mother says she can still sense Sanura out there somewhere...

As for Bakura and me... Things are a little tense. I am tired of him sitting in front of the TV all the time when the twins are running me ragged... He was always a good father before. A great husband... but he is slacking... I love him... but some changes need to be made... somehow...

Final Vision...

2006-06-18T16:10:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Dec. 7th, 2005)

I don't want to see any more visions.

I don't like them.

I don't like this...

I know what is going to happen to my sister....

I don't know if she can handle it. Her dreams are about to be shattered. She will never have what she wants... But hopefully RIJ will come around and be the man she needs...

It is doubtful at this time, but I can only hope.

I have seen a vision with him and another woman. But I know this woman. She is an old friend of mine. She is also completely human and will have no genuine interest in RIJ. She has no idea he is married to my sister. I haven't spoken to her in years. She does have a kind heart and a gentle soul. Her words make a person think. Maybe her coming across RIJ will be a good thing. Maybe she won't be able to get through to him... But at least he is talking to someone.

I only hope he comes to his senses. it is doubtful.... but it is worth a try to hope...

Fear....

2006-06-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

(posted, Dec. 6th, 2005)

I had this huge thing written up... But the computer ate it...

Anyway it basically went over Sanura's condition. No one knows for sure how bad it is. But it is not good at all.

Dorian has been sugar coating it for my parents. He hasn't been straight forward. But I know the truth. I just cannot be the one to tell them. It is a truth that Sanura even knows but is not saying. She has been coughing up blood this time. But that is not the only place teh blood is being lost. She has lost a great deal and is weak. She refuses to eat. Will barely even drink.

She hides her pain well when others are near her. But I know it. I can feel it. She has not entirely given up on life... but her faith in love is low. She didn't deserve this. She deserved to be treated better. This pain is ...

Is not something I am going to go into . All I have to say is whatever bug crawled up RIJ's butt better climb back out soon. And he better own up to a few things when he does straighten up. And he better learn to accept her as she accepts him.

But this is just the opinion of someone who can see their future... or lack there is of one at the moment... There child.... may not have a chance this time... it could already be too late to save it. If Sanrua loses it- I fear what changes she will make...

Finally Back...

2006-06-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

(posted, Nov. 28th, 2005)

But not for long... Just have a quick break before I fall into bed.

There hasn't been much going on really. 'Kura sits in front of the TV a lot. Though he does help me wiht the kids when he is here. Sanura has stepped up and taken extra care with Cayden. Call her the adopted Yami...

Though I can't help but wonder how long that will last. She has time now, but I don't she will have that much time in a few months. I give her credit though. She has hiddedn it for a few months now. But soon she will start to show. She won't be able to hide the truth anymore...

Okay- I am off to get some much needed sleep before I fall over right here and now... Or rather.. *looks around* I wonder if 'Kura is busy with anything at the moment... and if he is in front of that damned TV then I guess I will have to create a distraction.... I wonder where my Coyote Ugly went to... the music on there and one of my "special" outfits might be enough to distract him...

So tired...

2006-06-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Nov. 21st, 2005)

There are days I wish 'Kura would take the kids for a little while...

Nakia is driving me crazy. She is always getting into something. Taking something from someone. I am having a hard time teaching her that it is wrong when her father was the Egyptian King of Thieves... I mean with him for a father, how on Earth can I teach the kids right from wrong?

I am tired, exhausted. I need a break- but doubt I will ever get one.

And Cayden. He is so quiet. I just hope everything is okay with him...

*hears crash* *facepalm* Oh no...
I must go.

Quick Post...

2006-06-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Oct. 23rd, 2005)

Well.. RIJ and my sister are finally married... Who knew it would finally actually happen *shrugs*

Their only problem now is Ori... There is something hidden that no one can figure out... Ori and Sanura have some kind of connection... or at least he seems to be infatuated with women who look a lot alike her. It is a bit unnerving actually. He won't make a move on her- but he goes after at least one woman that I know about who looks almost identical to her. And Sapphira keeps trying to knock some sense into him- but it isn't really working... Though I have to admit- she really threw him for a loop yesterday...

He was bothering that woman I mentioned ealier and she swooped in to take the woman away claiming she was her lover... I wish I could have been there face to face to see his face. There is no way Sapphira is a lesbian... I know this for a fact as she has been dating one guy in particular the past few weeks pretty steadily and she seems happy... Though why she seems to be interested in Ori I have no idea... But I can see that if something doesn't happen to change and make SAnura and Ori get together, then it is possible Ori could have another to fall for... maybe.. I won't say anythign for sure as I have no idea where Sapphira's heart is at the moment...

I am worried about Nakia though... She seems to have my abiity to have visions... She has seen some bad things about Ori that she won't tell anyone about... She mentioned a bad dream to 'Kura and me yesterday... Said it was about Ori. 'Kura asked if he did something to her. She didn't answer right away. then she nodded and said to others as well. This has 'Kura and me worried... And I thought I was worried about RIJ... He is the least of my problems right now. Especially now that he is preoccupied with married life...

I am forced to wonder if Ori is really someone we can trust. Or if he is someone who will have to be sealed away... If he does- I know that Sanura has a way to do it without requiring a sacrifice. It's an old spell... But I have looked into it- as has Father and Mother. It would work... But we are hesitant until we know just what is going on with him and whether or not we can trust in him....

Only time will tell...

Where is my sister?

2006-06-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Oct. 21st, 2005)

Well as the title suggests... Sanura and RIJ took off a while ago and still have not returned. They went off in search of Sapphira when they realized Orifiel was going to be near her... See it came out that he.. *sighs* well he is kind of a perv- likes to hang around trees watching women.

Well Sanura didn't want her Aunt to feel the same violation that she felt when she realized Orifiel had been watching the few times she and RIJ had been alone in her room... Course RIJ didn't seem to happy about that either. Sanura now has cardboard for a window until Father can have it replaced. She also set Ori's favorite tree on fire... the one that allowed him access to her room...

I think we are going to see what is going on. Father is getting his jacket on and Uncle Atemu is dacing around with anticipation... He is ready to stir up trouble... But I have a feeling that is going to have to wait. SOmething is happening right now. I can feel it. Sanura is startled and confused. I wonder what could possibly have been said or done in order for her to react like this. But whatever it is, I am certain that Orifiel is behind it...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...

2006-06-18T16:00:00.001-07:00

(posted, Oct. 20th, 2005)

Ok, so sue me I haven't had time to update. With twins it gets to be pretty hard to have any time to myself... Especially with a daughter who is just as troublesome as her father. I fear the day she starts school... I just know I will be getting calls from her teacher with some story or another of the next prank Nakia has pulled... *shakes head*

Well- things are calm and yet not over at mother's. It is beginning to be doubted the Sanura and RIJ will ever be married... Especially now with Orifiel around. RIJ worries about him trying to take her away. She is happy with RIJ, but she wants to be married and wants a family eventually... He is going to have to act fast or else she will think that he really doesn't want to be with her. She is as honorable as they come, but ... the heart wants what the heart wants RIJ is giving some- but she is being more than patient in her waiting...

It has led me to wonder just how well Ori would treat my sister... Then again- he is just another silent yami... he could care less I am sure.
AHH!! I have to go- the twins are causing trouble again and 'Kura is no where to be found... *sweat drop* Later!

Update...

2006-06-18T16:00:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Oct. 9th, 2005)

Okay- so I don't write that often... so sue me- I have been busy... Can't talk long right now either. Just wanted to let you know that the twins were born about a week ago. The daughter is Nakia Amane and the son is Cayden Atem. They are so precious.

I get the feeling there is some kind of Love triangle beginning between RIJ, Sanura, and Ori... It should be pretty interesting to see how this all turns out...

Well- back to the twins...

The Trip...

2006-06-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

(posted, Oct. 3rd, 2005)

Written Sept. 22nd

Today was fun!! ^_^ Girls only shopping. I haven’t had one of those days in a long time. The Olive Garden was where we had lunch. A nice Italian restaurant. All the salad and breadsticks I could eat. My sister looked at some beautiful dresses for whenever she and RIJ finally get married. The bridesmaid dresses are just gorgeous. I am hoping that the twins are born by then so I can fit in a decent sized dress again. They haven’t really talked too much about the wedding though. At least, they haven’t set a definite date yet anyway. So I am sure the twins will be born by the time the wedding takes place. I found the cutest, tiniest costumes for the twins for Halloween. And a perfect one for me too. I wonder what Bakura will think of it…

Sept. 25th

Oh, good… 4 days cramped in a car… Can anyone really sense my overwhelming joy? And yes that was sarcasm. My mood swings have really kicked in the past few days. I am trying to keep it in check, but it is hard. Mother’s hikari’s kids are too cute though. ^_^ Just adorable the things they do… Though they have their moments as well.

O have sensed a change in Sanura… I wonder how she would take to… No. Never mind… I doubt she is. She and RIJ wouldn’t be that careless- would they? *sweatdrop* They need to actually go through a wedding first somehow… I think this pregnancy has messed up my senses

Sept. 26th - morning

Only a few more hours before we leave. There’s no way I can ride in the same vehicle as Sanura. Not after tonight. Stupid me, I asked her about how she would feel if she were to be expecting and she flipped on me. I meant nothing by it, HONEST! Angel saved me from getting hit tonight, I am sure. She stepped between us with a death glare before calling ‘Kura. I guess Angel has been having a rough week and this fight was just not what she needed. ‘Kura went to get me some water. I heard him talking to RIJ about it. *sigh* I am REALLY not looking forward o the rest of this trip…

Sept. 26th-evening

I am glad that things seem peaceful now. But I will be glad when this trip is done. I love being with ‘Kura like this- but expecting twins makes it hard to remain comfortable. Like Mother’s Hikari- I just want to be settled somewhere and soon. Then maybe after I have had the twins I will be able to get back to normal again. Last night was insane. If I was Sanura… I would have hit me. I wouldn’t have held back. Guess it’s a good thing she’s not me…

Sept. 28th

Today was much better. ‘Kura wanted to go and get lost in the Badlands of South Dakota. He said they reminded him too much of his past. I did pretty well until we got to the mountains. Then the air got pretty thin and it grew harder for me to breathe. We are staying at a Holiday Inn now. Very nice hotel. Now I am looking forward to an early night’s sleep so I will write again later!

Sept. 30th

I am glad for the driving to be over. It was becoming too much for my body to take. The mountains- the twisting curves… I have been feeling the changes occurring. The twins have dripped into position. They are getting ready to be born. Could be at any time now.

I have been impressed by Sanura and RIJ this trip. They really do seem to be good for each other. There is an odd look in RIJ’s eyes now. A look of someone completely taken in by another. The same look ‘Kura gives me when we are alone- and sometimes when we aren’t. I have seen that look pass between Mother and Father too. Something really HAS changed in RIJ. Now if only the wedding can get finished in being planned…

Trying so hard...

2006-06-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

(posted, Sept. 21st, 2005)

Poor 'Kura.. *smiles*
He istrying so hard o make this trip easier on me and the twins. He cuddles with me every chance he gets and gets as much cushion and balnkets as he can get to see that I am comfortable if I have to sit on the floor.

He fed me strawberries last night... Dipped in chocolate. *closes eyes and licks lips* yum... My favorte way to eat them... It was so sweet and romantic. He tried to get a bite himself but with a deep (and impulsive I might add) kiss, I stole it right out of his mouth *smirk* If I didn't have this stomach in the way, things could have gotten very interesting... But it will all be worth it in the end... One more month to go... And then we will finally have our family...

I can't wait...

Checking in...

2006-06-18T15:57:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Sept. 18th, 2005)

Only have a brief moment on a barrowed laptop...

Bakura and I are having a great time! He is being so protective of me while we are out here. I had a small fever yesterday and he freaked out on me. Mother assured him that I would be just fine but he worries...

So far we are doing okay. I just wish I had more time to type. I will write again as I can...

Going Offline...

2006-06-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

(posted, Sept. 11th, 2005)

I Still have so much to do. But SAnura just left to go meet 'Kura and RIJ so that I will be looking forward to. I have no idea just what to pack so I tried to pack a little of everything, in the modest form of the comment. I can't do a whole lot right now. The twins are making things really difficut on me. I get the feeling they won't wait for us to get home. 'Kura and I may just be coming home parents when all is said and done... That could be fun. I think ...

Anyway- I won't be on for a month now so I will write again when I can...

Short Entry...

2006-06-18T15:52:00.001-07:00

(Posted, Sept. 7th, 2005)

I am making this short tonight.

'Kura is coming with me on the month long trip!! Have I ever said how much I love that man lol... It is getting harder for me to move around right now...I always seem to bump into things lol...

Sorry for such a short entry. I have been VERY tired again lately... Mother says she got this way near the end of her pregnancy with my siblings and me. It makes me wonder if I will have them sooner than I thought... I am not sure I am ready for that... Not on this trip...

Almost Time....

2006-06-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Sept. 6th, 2005)

Well month 7 is where we are. I can't wait until this is done. I am having a hard time sleeping as I can no longer find a comfortable position to sleep in. 'Kura has been so giving and kind though. So understanding. He treated me to a day spa last month. Then after the long day of papering- treated me to a glorious meal and a spectaclular light, firework, show in the park. I don't think I had ever felt so rested...

The kicking is getting painful though. They are growing stronger and because of the tight area they are in they kick and press on all major organs. It is hard for me to even sit for extended periods of time so I am constantly sitting and standing. Though I think I ate the store out of cherry pie filling...

Don't ask... it is my main craving... That and turkey... ^_^

Well, speaking of not being able to sit for extended periods of time... I have to go for now and take a quick nap so I can be ready for later... That is.. if I can sleep...

OH!! I almost forgot. I finally have names for the twins...

The daughter will be Nakia Amane
The son will be Cayden Atem.

Nice and strong names, I think at least.

Ok... now sleep...

Feeling...

2006-06-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

(posted, Aug. 24th, 2005)

That's right. I have been feeling them moving!! It feels so odd, but it feels good at the same time. Well.. until they start kicking up in my rib cage... then it hurts... I made the mistake of standing too fast earlier today too which kind of pulled something a little harder than it was meant to be pulled. But all in all they are growing and doing very well. I couldn't be more happy. And 'Kura.. He has been a dream. An absolute dream *sighs*. I couldn't have been blessed with a better husband. Now it is just a matter of prepareing for the next few months. I know I will be getting bigger which will make things hard for me to do. I haven't been as hindered yet... but as my mid-section grows, I won't be able to be as fast as I used to be. At least not until I have these little guys.

You know, I am actually looking forward to being a mother. It gives me a golden feelign inside. I ahve always loved children, and have never been in a position until now to have a family of my own. I have been playing with Violet and now my cousins Sora and Kairi. They are all so sweet. I just hope ours will be just as sweet... I don't see why they wouldn't.

I started having dreams of them. I am not sure if they are dreams or visions. Little 'Kura jr. and Melody. I think those are the names we are going with. The son I am hoping we can do a split name with. Have him named after 'Kura and Father. Bakura Atem Jr.... And for the daughter... I can't decide on a name yet. I am torn between Melody Star and Adiana Nakia. I have heard both in my visions. I think one day will will have a second daughter who is to have which ever name we don't use this time...

So now I must choose...

And I must seek Bakura's opinion as well. I just hope it is okay for our son to hold both his and Father's name...

Sure....

2006-06-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

(Posted Aug. 23rd, 2005)

I understand EVERYTHING that is going on...... NOT!

I wish I did though. I seem to be saying that a lot. Ok... as for my sister... She is in a state of shock right now... She is not sure how to react to what is happening... RIJ had another breakdown thanks to my Uncle... he didn't mean to I know, but his words sent RIJ spiraling out of his head. Sanura reached out to him and started to rock him like hse had the first he had a break down like this... That was when it happened. He started thinking she was a woman named Kiza. A woman he had loved a long time ago. A woman who was... well.. dead. I think Sanura played into it for right now- knowing he was too fragile for her to tell him otherwise. But it is not healthy for her to continue to do that. Eventually he will begin to believe she really IS Kiza and than ... well the first time she does something that isn't like Kiza he may have a bad reaction to it... But there is nothing I can do so I must worry about myself now...

I had another check up ... and Dorian was able to snatch an ultra-sound machine so he can get a better look at the twins. I got our first picture of our children and I can't wait to show Bakura! They are so tiny. But Dorian says it looks like we have one of each a boy and a girl... The perfect beginning to our family. I am getting more and more excited everyday. Already 3 months in.. The sickness is gone. But my mid section is starting to get large enough I have to go shopping for more clothes to fit me in these next few months. I am on special meds to help the children and me. Not too bad... They help. He did tell me that there was a possibility I may go into early labor. I guess that happens often with multiple birhts, but he is confidence in me assures me that everything is going to be okay. Even the explosion I was involved in didn't do as much harm as we all feared.

So Hope you are ready 'Kura... 6 more months...If that... and we will be a family... *sighs and smiles* I love you , 'Kura...

Does it ever end...

2006-06-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

(Posted Aug. 21st, 2006)

I swear I wonder if our lives will ever run smoothly...

I am finally able to get up and move around without a lot of pain and then all hell breaks loose. I was sitting on the new couch my father and mother put in the new home when we had an unwelcome visitor. One that fliiped Sanura out. Mother and Natara and Sapphira held Alexander off long enough to get Bakura to get me out of there and RIJ to get Sanura out. Sanura had lost herself though. She was shaking, absolutely terrorfied that he would try to claim her once again. See Alexander is the one responsible for bringing the darkness in her heart. He turned her into a killer. An assasin. She killed without conscious. And sadly, she was good at what she did. Her added powers allowed her to never leave a body behind so she was never caught.

Anyway, once mother and father finally broke Alexander's hold over Sanura, my sister only wanted to be good. She wanted some kind of light in her life. She wanted to forget about what she had done. And then came RIJ. The darkest Yami I think I have ever met. And the most mysterious. We learn a little more about his past everyday. This time though it nearly cost us all. I swear my family has THE worst luck. It began with Alexander coming after Sanura. She slipped into a state of weakness and started crying. He YELLED at her. Yelled at her!! He didn't want her crying. She had finally had enough so she shoved him away and fled. I got fed up with things he was saying so I punched him. He mocked my strike the first time so I went after him again. Big mistake. I felt something tear inside me and I fell to the ground in extreme pain. She returned around the time he was telling everyone to F - off... She took it to mean everyone and finally gave up. She removed her engagement ring and threw it at him. He took off his as well. Things then got even MORE worst. They screamed back and forth at each other. Calling each other nasty names. I mean REALLY nasty. She finally couldn't take it anymore and in a fit of fury and pain she told him she hated him. They left. I guess he went to a bar, that was where Bakura said he found him when I sent him after RIJ later...

Sanura decided that she no longer wanted to stay with us. That she had to go to Egypt and take over our brother's postion at the Egyptian museum. She was packed and ready. Even Malik had stayed behind, trying to convince her to stay and be with him. But she continued to say no. I wish she had said yes. She climbed into the taxi to take her to the airport and as soon as the door shut the taxi ..... exploded.

I watched it happen and I was frozen. I was numb. The pain I felt was nothing compared to what I had just witnessed. I screamed out and 'Kura came running. We sat there watching the fire for a little while. Then I got up and tried to make my way to the car. When I stumbled 'Kura made me sit down and then he went after Sanura who had somehow managed to remain alive in that explosion. He lifted her and got her inside.It didn't look good for her. I helped to wrap her like a mummy to prevent infection while she healed. Then I sent 'Kura after RIJ who was drinkning away with Malik.

Here is where things get twisted...

They brought RIJ back alright... drunk of his behind...

It was strange, but after while, Sanura finally woke up. and after a little while later she was able to speak a little more. She called out to RIJ to tell him she loved him. 'Kura decided to send RIJ in then. That was odd... He walks in and has no idea he is looking at a real person. He thought it to be some angel. I used that to my advantage... I made him make so many promises to the angel. Then he asked her what her name was. She told him... he cried, then he got sick, then he cried again. Father seemed willing to make amends with him and gave RIJ the matching family ring to 'Kura's and Adais' ring. They made up and decided it was good again between them. But 'Kura and I wonder how long this will last this time...

Well now that we have a happy ending... I am needing some sleep so I shall return.. much later...

Better...

2006-06-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

(Posted Aug. 20th, 2005)

Well at least I am feeling better. Every once in a while I feel a little sore again. My leg has healed quite nicely. It is one of the blessing I get from having my mother's genes in me... Quick healing. And what is better is that the child I am carrying is stil growing strong. In fact.. I was informed today that I am indeed carrying twins. I think Mother knows what we are having as well, but she won't say... So I guess it is time to pick out the names...

Mother and Father have repaired the home. What is even better is that they added a completely separate wing to the home for BAkura and me. So it will be as if we have our own home. Now we just have to get him moved in and then get things set up for the children.

'Kura is being so good about this. So gentle and kind. I love him more and more everyday ... Just when I think I couldn't love him any more he does something that just makes me soar again... Maybe just a look, or the way he holds me... Okay so maybe I am making us out to sound like one of those couples that everyone hates but I can't help it. We will have our problems to come... I have to make sure I watch my temper... If I lose it I am certain to hurt 'Kura and I never mean too... Not physically, emotionally. He has already shown me how sensitive he can be.. I am not about to impress more on that. I am sure things will be okay though...

I saw the change in Sanura and RIJ again... I am wondering how long this peace between them will last... No matter how many times they fall apart they always seem to work it out. There is a darkness in both of them that only they can understand. I am wondering if that will be what saves them in the end. If that is what truly brought them together in the first place... It should be interesting to see how this plays out...

For now I am feeling a little sleepy so I guess I will lay down... It will be another long night tonight

Sore...

2006-06-18T15:41:00.000-07:00

(Posted Aug. 17th, 2005)

I wish I could say I was sore from doing something fun with 'Kura... but I'm not... At least the pain isn't what it used to be. I can move again. 'Kura was asleep on the side of the bed when I got up. I stood at the window for the longest time tonight just thinking. I can feel the difference in me now. I know the life within me is still there, but I must be extremely careful. At least I can tell 'Kura that so far things are okay. But I am wondering where I am to stay. We don't have a home of our own... Bakura has lived with RIJ for awhile now... And I have always lived with my mother... We will need a place of our own if we are to have a family... One in which our children to ccome will be safe...

It is too soon for me to be up and around for too long. I will go and rest again...

Um... sigh... pics...

2006-06-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

(Posted August 15th, 2005)

um...

Every night something strange seems to happen. First it is all the fighting with RIJ and then.... It was almost as if I watched him just give up everything last night. I think Mother called it an emotional breakdown. I had no idea his life had been as hard as it was. His mother never truly accepted him. She told him she loved him, but she never really meant it. He had some rage issues and his father seemed to think tha the only way to help ease the problem was to have them taken away. The problem was the Elder took their parents away at the same time. I feel horrible now. I was never really kind to him. Of course all I knew of him was he was attacking Bakura and me trying to keep us apart. Though after everything he told us last night I think I understand. He just didn't want to see 'Kura get hurt and I reminded RIJ of someone who had hurt him... Not emotionally, but physically. I promised him I would never do that though. I love 'Kura with all my heart. I would never do anything to hurt him.

Which brings me to my next issue.

Because of how different my system is to those of the mortal beings here on this Earth... It is harder to tell certain things. It is true my father is of this Earth, but my mother is not. So my siblings and I deal with certain differences. But the sickness seems to be universal. I have been doing a lot of reading lately. 'Kura almost caught my with book actually. I have seen it on the popular lists for Expectant mothers here... um... *looks for book to get title* "What to Expect When You're Expecting..." Interesting reading. But it makes me really worry now. I have so many of the symptoms listed there. I can't go to any doctor here. "Uncle" Dorian was the one to deliver my siblings and me. I suppose I should talk to him later and see if he can help me figure this out... I better do something because 'Kura is starting to ask questions and I am not sure how to answer them anymore. He is giving me strange searching looks. I have noticed him being more active around Violet, his niece, as well. He says he would be there for me if I was... But still I am scared. This is something I have never experienced before. But we are married so it isn't like there is anything wrong about it. Oh Ra... I wonder how Father would take the news. I know he had been iffy about 'Kura and me getting married, but he had wanted me to be happy so he gave his blessing. They have since actually seemed to get along actually. Enough so that we can all sit in the same room and they aren't glaring at each other... Well He and my father anyway... Sometimes I think my Uncle Atemu (my father's twin brother) is spoiling for a fight. He is also going after 'Kura or RIJ over something... Maybe it is the Barcardi speaking through him though- I could be wrong.

Oh no... There are so many multiple births in my family... My father has a twin, I am one of a set of triplets, my Aunt AFG and Uncle Atemu are expecting twins... What if mine are more than one if I am expecting? What do I do? How do I handle it? OH RA!!!! *grabbing head* I have such a headache...

I have been up and down all night. I know 'Kura is worried. So far I have been able to pass it off as just being preoccupied over the night's events that led to RIJ sleeping as peacefully as a baby in my sister's arms. AHH!!! I said that word! I can't stop thinking about the possibility... okay... I am tired of feeling this sick, weak and tired... At first I thought I was just tired from the lack of sleep... 'Kura can go all night long and then some if exhaustion didn't take us *grins*. I do feel sorry for my father. So many times we toss hints at our secret bedroom actions, or the things we only WISH we could do to each other- and more often then not he has been around to hear it. And poor Ryou last night... 'Kura and I got to be really bad and he suddenly had to remind us of the mental link he shares with 'Kura lol. It was fun though. I only hope this kind of passion stays long after the child... or children come... I would be upset to lose it all. I also still hope he can still look at me with the same hunger long after the pregnancy and birth. I have read that sometimes the husband can't look at his wife the same way... in some cases it puts a distance between the two. I don't want to be distant from him. *looks over at her sleepng demon/angel* he has so many moments when he is demonic- it is in his Yami side to be so... but when he sleeps he is almost angelic. So peaceful...

I think I really need to put my fears aside and sit down adn talk to my mother and Dorian. And then I need to talk to 'Kura... Or maybe I will talk to him fir... no. I will talk to him about this when I know more... That way if he asks me, I can tell him the answers he will be wanting. Though my visions show me a great deal. I should listen to them... Of course, My parents have been watching this show called InuYasha... I had dreams all night long that the children 'Kura and I have looked like InuYasha, long white hair, fangs, and even the ears lol. okay so the ears are a bit much... but still.. the hair and fangs? though- when Bakura is eating his steak I can almost swear he has fangs too.... *shrugging* I don't know. It is another thing I read. That when expecting something the soon to be mother has strange dreams... and food cravings. I have to admit... Peanut butter and banana sandwiches are sounding good right now... and I have NEVER had them before... uh-oh... Mother? Help me... please... *sighs* I think I shall return to bed... While I am still small enough to comfortably fit on it beside him... urg! I am not looking forward to long sleepless nights... But I think it is time I know for sure... I will return later with my results...

*sigh*

Well... It seems someone has been silently praying to Amon (god of fertility)... That is all I will say on the matter... *sigh* Now to find the best way to tell everyone... Of course that will be after I have found the best way to tell 'Kura...

I guess I can't complain. Bes(goddess of marriage) has blessed me with a wonderful marriage so far. And Bastet and Apis (both goddess and god of fertility) well... apparently did their job in aiding Amon... goddes Isis... Has blessed me with the devotion to my husband that I have. I only hope she can give me the strength I need to face this new turn in our lives as the goddess of motherhood and well as devotion.

There are so many Egyptian gods for fertility, I can't curse every one of them...though I am not sure now if I really want to... I am just so confused. And scared... How on Earth am I going to tell everyone...? Especially 'Kura... There has got to be a special way I can tell him... But I fear his response for some reason. I shouldn't. It was obvious from the start he wanted a family... Ra why does this have to be such a huge decision? And why so SOON!!!??? Now the same old fears return... Will he look at me any different? Will he still love me? Will he still be around? Will he be able to look at me the same way again...

Mother said she would stand by me during this and help me as best as she could. She said it is too soon to tell if I have more than one within at the moment. To give it a couple more weeks and she would be able to be sure. "Uncle" Dorian is being really good about this too. Though I was very uneasy about having him give the check up - he is the only one with real medical training in our group. So he is the only one equipped to handle things like this.
I have had nearly all day to sit and think about this. Yet I am still not yet sure it has even sunk in. It will probably hit me later on tonight... and at the worst time possible... *frowns* Now I am craving chocolate... not just a mere craving... I am almost needing it. Oh man.. I hope 'Kura is going to be ready for this... because I sure am not...

I think I am going to go lay down. The room is spinning slightly... yes... sleep would be good...

pics

Well... I was doing some thinking and I wondered what our children could look like... So I am adding pics to this blog of what I think our daughter could look like and what I think our son could look like- depending on which we have...

as far as names go... I have no idea...

Why am I still up? I should be laying down... *goes to lay down once again...*

About time....

2006-06-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

(Posted, Aug. 14th, 2005)

It is good to see things back to some kind of normal around here. My sister remembers everything, RIJ got his head out of his butt to realize what he had in front of him *snickers* and he finally did something about it... Well not that... well, maybe that.. I don't know what they did after 'Kura and I left... andyway- he finally asked my sister to marry him!! I am so happy that finally things seem to be going the way they should be. Now I can get back to actually taking care of 'Kura. We are still plotting our honeymoon. A stop in Egypt for a bit and then off to Vegas is what it is looking like. I would love to go back home... It has been so long... I am sure things will be reliving themselves in Bakura's mind as well. I just hope it isn't too bad an idea for him. I don't think he has been back since he gave up the darkness... or did he?

After watching RIJ struggle with it, and his being a Yami his biggest excuse, I have to wonder if Bakura has the same struggle in him. Will it one day take control again? I hope not. That would be disasterous. Well, I hear 'Kura stirring again. I want to be there whenhe wakes... Or maybe I should wake him with a special surprise... then again... I have been feeling very odd lately. Not sure what is going on. I am thinking I need to talk to mother about this. My stomach has been curiously queasy periodically during the day. Sometimes I get dizzy for no real apparent reason. It isn't due to my visions. Though I have to admit I have had a few of them that make me wonder if this sickness is really leading to something else... I don't know if I am ready though. I know he says he wants a family. He says a large one at that... But am I really ready? I am still so yo... What am I saying... I am 3,022 years old. I am not getting any younger and I am not going to look any older either. Still... I have been enjoying life. Clubbing and having fun. I am not sure I am ready to give that all up to be a mother. Still...

I may not be given a choice in the matter...

(comment posted on original blog Aug. 15th, 2005:

1: Blue- "I dont believe it!! OMR, this is going to be such a shock to Bakura!"

2: Bakura- "...Are you alright Zahara? If anything is wrong, you can tell me...")

A Quote

2006-06-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

(posted, Aug. 13th, 2005)

"If you understand
Or if you don't
If you believe
Or if you don't
There's a universal Justice
And the Eyes of Truth are watching you..." - Enigma

One of my favorites quotes and it realy fits right now. RIJ has no idea how much that quote actually means to him. He spent so much time in the shadows he had no idea how to really allow any light in. Because of this he basically has to start over now. My sister, in a fit of grief and anger, and pain created a spell to forget him and everything in her life dealing with him. Now she doesn't even remember the attack that started it all. She is still working for Kaiba as a result and boy is he walking around like the cat who's eaten the canary. Adais is watching over her thank Ra... But I wish she hadn't erased her memory. RIJ was ... he had a message written on his wrist fro Sanura... for sometime later I guess... He loved her enough to want to marry her... But because he kept pushing her away, she got the wrong idea... she thought it better to forget. I wonder what Blue would say about this... not like she can change anything...

I guess There is nothing I can do but attempt to protect her from herself. Adias took heroff Kaiba's payroll and has her working for him now. At least I know she is safe... And who knows... Maybe Marik has a chance now...

smacks forehead

2006-06-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

(posted Aug. 11th, 2005)

Oh man... So much for getting ready for our honeymoon. I wake up to the sound of smashing plaastic. I guess 'Kura didn't feel like getting up this morning... *rolls eyes* I can see us spending a lot of money on alram clocks. Believe it or not, I ma actually a morning person lol. So I will be up puttering around while he lies around.

I had to ask myself how things were going to work today. I know that I am set financially thanks to my upbringing and a few side line things my parents were able to pull with the Egyptian historical society. We lived like royalty basically thanks to them. But I know how prideful 'Kura can be... Will he accept the free money or will he want to get a job- or both of us to- or ... maybe I am worrying too much. I really shouldn't be too concerned for it actually. Oh well...

I dfeel bad for RIJ- Sanura has had so many late nights at work that he just sits around here at night. I think 'Kura has had his fill of him actually lol.. Who knew the former evil that tried to put me out of the picture could be such a sap *smirks* I mean that in the kindest way possible, honestly lol.

Well I am off to the store to see about finding some kind of indestructable alarm clock... hopefully... Silly 'Kura... I love him- but he is a handful lol... on so many ways *winks*

Hey!

2006-06-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

(posted, Aug. 9th, 2005)

I am making this quick. Don't have much time. So many things have happened. But to make a long story short, Sanura and RIJ were given the blessings of the elders to be together. I pity RIJ if his act turned out to be just that. An act. I am glad to see her happy again though. At least she seems to be. They still toss insults at each other. LOL! It is funny actually to watch them sometimes. They act like they hate each other yet 'Kura says that RIJ seems to think that makes things better in the bedroom... I don't know about that... But I suppose it could be true.

Married life so far is bliss. Then again we have yet ... wait... we did have our first problem.. It seems to be okay though. He isn't distant. I am making a surprise meal for him. Steak the way he loves it. Extra raw... *cringes* lol.. The only thing good about that, is the fact that I only have to warm it up. Toss some extra veggies and things with it and he is good to go. I, on the other hand prefer to have mine well done. Then I have something extra special planned for him. Candles and music... a special little outfit my sister used Seto's company card to pay as part of her revenge on him. *snickering* All I can say is it is a good thing she is such an asset to his comapny or she would have lost her job a long time ago.

Oh! I hear 'Kura now. Gotta go!

sigh

2006-06-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

(posted, Aug. 8th, 2005)

Well, this is my new life. I am now the wife of former TombRobber, Bakura... Never thought that would happen. We fought each other for so long lol. I still remember the games we played.

Anyway, 'Kura is sleeping now- still on the honeymoon and he got worn out- the poor guy *giggles*. Have to say, he is fun lol.. I had to teach him how to do the hokey pokey at our reception lol. We didn't even bother with the danged chicken dance. Thought I was going to melt through the floor during the retreival of teh garter though... In front of everyone, he goes under my dress and almost refuses to come out!!! Ra the man has a hentai mind on him lol. But that is what makes him fun. It was a good thing the partitian in the limo was up on the way to our hotel suite, that is all I will say to that.
I am glad that Father has been so good about this. 'Kura is really protective of me. And more senstive than I ever would have thought. He has so many fears. There are so many things about me and my heritage that I guess I still have to explain. He fears I will eventually grow old and leave this realm and he will be left alone. That won't happen though. I won't let it happen.

I am only concerned about one person right now though. My sister Sanura. She is torn between two loves. Both of whom love her dearly. She is drawn to each, but for some reason the feelings I snese from her regarding the one we call the Forbidden one, seem to be so much stronger. There is almost a passion that rivals that of Bakura and myself. I never thought it could be possible. It is said in my family that there is one love that can ultimately consume us. With a kiss we can know. Like fire that sears us together, molding the two souls into one. I know she had that with ather. I have that Bakura. See the tale goes that once you have met this love... there will never be another for you. No matter how hard you try, you can never TRULY love anyone else.

My family is an honorable one. If we know we have met this love and somehow lost it- we don't on to someone else out of fairness. My mother had plenty of opportunities while Father was sealed away. Yet she remained true. She could never even THINK of moving on. I fear that if Sanura has truly found this kind of love for RIJ... That she will never be the same...

In some ways I hope she has found it. It is a wonderful feeling. Yet, I hope she has not found it. Then maybe she can give Marik a chance. It would seem she would have a greater chance at being loved as she deserves if she goes to him. But then again...
*sighs* Only fate knows what is in store for her. For both of them...