4 years...

Wow... who knew being a mother to twins could be so tiring... I feel sorry for my own mother now lol. Blake and I have been really trying to enjoy life as best we can though. Nakia is a little mini-Blake I swear lol. A thief in training he calls her lol. It's actually kind of cute now lol.

Things are slightly tense within the home though. RIJ... he is always watching me when he is there. I try to make sure i am never left alone with him. My heart has conflicting feelings around him. He seems to be with my sister. They do go out often. And I remember the flowers he got for her. His face turned so red when she thanked him for them that I had to giggle. Still.. being around him isn't a good idea for me. I have never strayed from Blake before I am not going to do so now. I love him. I adore our family. There is no way I am about to mess that up...

RIJ... You have to move on... You have to be with someone who can give you her whole heart. I am not the one for you.... I'm sorry but I love Blake. I can never be with you....

______________________________

Sidelines:

I look up at that and kick myself... For I have indeed messed up my family, my marriage... I can't stand to see the tears in blake's eyes now. I know I am the cause of them... I want to go to him, to hold him and kiss the tears away. But I fear if I go near him...

i need to talk to him. I really need to try to make things right somehow. I don't know how. Gabriel told me some things that really left me feeling confused... The way he made it seem... he was sleeping with both Blake and me at around the same time... Blake always told me Gabriel was jealous... But who was he jealous of? Me? or Blake?

I shouldn't worry myself with such things though.

I know my sister thinks I'm a fool... most likely my uncle too... I don't blame them. I never should have had to make this choice. I should have chosen my husband of 25 years and our family... But I chose Gabriel.... but I wasn't stupid about it either...

I have known him long enough to know what he is capable of... I took an extra precaution. We made blood vows. The vows seal us to our word. He cannot sleep with anyone other than me. He cannot keep secrets from me if I ask him something. He cannot hide anything like that baby from me. He cannot harm or hurt me in any way. He does and immortal or not... a magic will kill him. A magic older than the both of us. The same basic magic that killed his parents. He will not be able to escape it. The moment his lips touch another he will feel the searing pain. He will know when he has done wrong. He has been bound in blood to me....

v.v...

Just as I have been bound by blood to him...

He knew this when we made the vow and he still went through with it. So he knows the risk he takes. His last partner was Orifiel. he struggled over the part of the vow denying everyone except me. He wanted to keep Orifiel... but in the end he sealed the vow barring him from ever sharing his bed and body with Orifiel ever again...

Maybe he really does love me if he was willing to take such a huge risk and give everything up...

If I have to give up my husband and my kids and the life I have always known for him....

Gabriel can give up all others for me....

That way we are fair...

Still... a part of me feels lost... torn... cold... He can temporarily make it go away long enough for me to rest, but... Whenever I see Blake.. or hear him shed his tears...

A part of me dies inside along with him...

Gabriel is trying to help me deal...

The kids are helping their father...

Somehow... somehow I pray that we will all be all right...

posted by Lady Aurora Phoenix @ 7:57 AM Comments: 0