Confusion...

That's all I can think right now. I have no idea what is going on. Seems the vision I had about blurred vision and water... It was of myself. Malik has a problem with 'Kura and me being together... though he isn't the only one. More on that later though...

'Kura wanted me to go bowling and meet his friends. I hadn't realized that meeting Malik again would cost my life once more. Oddly, he was more concerned over this Gabriel guy... RIJ.... I may be mistaken, but I swear there was something between them. I say was, because there in front of me, I am certain I saw it end... Malik went from a tough man who was ready to tear everything apart to a broken man who didn't have the heart to do anything.

Malik spoke to 'Kura while I was left to deal with RIJ. He stared at me with this odd look in his eyes. Then he got close.. too close... He was saying all these things that didn't make sense to me. He told me he was better than 'Kura. He tried to convince me to go away with him. I couldn't do that... not now... But he wouldn't understand. He couldn't. He seems to think it would be easy for me to turn my back on the one i have loved for so long. The one who asked me to be his wife. No... I can't. I won't. RIJ can't make me...

There was a battle. RIJ and me... we fought. He and Malik tried to convince me that 'Kura was to marry another. That he lied to me. But I saw through their tricks. They must not have known I have the gift of second sight. I can see through so many things. But RIJ... there is something about him... it scares me... I rejected him... I guess one time too many. He made a blood vow to never love anyone... That as when I saw him look at Malik and repeat that he would love no one ever again. Malik fell to his knees, shock in his eyes. I felt his crushed spirit sore into the air around us as he just remained there. I think if there was ever anyone who truly loved thie RIJ guy... Malik was the one. And he was now locked out of his life. RIJ and I struggled and fought...

We were stopped only when my sister interrupted... At first I thought she had shown up to help and protect me. Imagine my surprise when she stepped in front of him stopped my attack. She told me enough was enough and he didn't deserve this. That he had been through already too much. Sanura refused to tell me her meaning. I don't think she ever really will. She remained in between us, protecting and guarding him until Malik helped him up and helped to get him and 'Kura away. I just watched in shock.

You know- people would think I was glad to have my sister back in my life. They would think we would get along great... but since she's been home... it's cold. We fight more than get along. We don't hardly talk to each other at all. She does her thing and I do mine. She could never understand the resentment I feel toward her. When she was gone, all my parents could think about was getting her back. I was sent away to be with my Uncle while they finished a war and then searched the world to find her. I don't mind living with my Uncle, he's a great man who is like a second father to me. I love him to deatha nd will always do what I can to help him if I can, but I resent that I had to miss out on so much time with my parents all because of her. I was a grown adult by the time they came into my life. I was ready to get married and be out on my own. I am most likely more willing to listen to something Uncle Atemu tells me to do than they because to me he is my father. I have tried to include them in my life... but it still seems there is something more important going on. My Uncle responds more than they do.

Maybe I should have followed 'Kura's thought and not had my father's permission and blessing to be married, but my Uncle's... I want him there... It's a matter of convincing 'Kura...

But that leads into more. We have my father's blessing. We are set, all we have to do is plan it. But RIJ is going to be a problem. Whenever he comes around and I am alone, he makes advances to me. He tells me he loves me. That I am different. At first I continued to resist... but then this last time... he kissed me... 'Kura was right there, asleep between us. I couldn't believe how bold he was... I didn't move. I couldn't or else I would have waken 'Kura. But I felt myself respond to his kiss this time... I don't know why... But I did...

My sister was there... she saw this... She seemed just as confused.. and hurt... but I don't understand what was going on...

I haven't felt right since he and my sister left. I still feel his lips lingering on mine... 'Kura is trying to get me to eat, but I have felt so sick the past couple of days. It's been hard to keep much down. I am to a point where I fear what will happen if 'Kura and I are not married ... and soon....

posted by Lady Aurora Phoenix @ 11:52 AM Comments: 0